jealousy when three is a crowd

Jealousy is a terrible feeling and it can hurt a relationship.  Learn more about how you can address jealousy so you can feel confident and enjoy your relationship.



Five Simple Steps To Get Over Jealousy


Jealousy is a normal human emotional response when you feel inferior or insecure by someone getting attention from someone you love. Jealousy can make you do some crazy things and it doesn’t feel good or look good to anyone watching your behaviour.


There are 4 types of jealousy and none of them sound attractive. So, let’s look at what you can do to get rid of jealousy.


1. Get Real 


If you’re jealous when your partner spends time with some one else or you’re suspicious they’re cheating, make sure you’ve got a good reason for your suspicions. This isn’t to advocate checking text messages or emails on the sly, but instead consider if they have done anything specific to justify your suspicions and your jealous feelings.


Why don’t you trust them? Is it more about your insecurities or is it about their behavior? The answers will help you determine your next step, whether it’s kicking them to the curb or curbing your insecurities.


2. Don’t Compare Yourself To Others


Comparing yourself to someone else’s looks, body, career, qualifications, car, money etc. can be really problematic. Someone else may have a cool new car while you’re taking public transport, but you can’t tell what’s going on inside another person’s head or life.


Everyone is dealing with their own issues, so maybe you can celebrate your own good fortune and stay motivated to achieve your goals.


3. Focus On What You Have


You can choose to focus on what others have or what you perceive them to have, or you can choose to focus on what you have. Jealousy is often created from the feeling of wanting things we don’t already have in our lives or losing what we have.  


People want more attention, more stuff, more security, love and confidence. If you choose to measure your self-worth by what you see others have, you’re really putting yourself in a situation of swimming upstream. Swimming upstream is a lot of hard work and generally you stay in the same place.


Instead of coming from a mindset of “I don’t have,” think about your positive qualities, your own achievements and your winning attitude will shine through. It will help you make others appreciate you as much as you appreciate yourself.


Choose to focus and run your own race instead of looking at everyone else, Be kind to yourself!


4. Talk It Through


Couple talking about reactions to jealousyWhen there’s a really serious problem between you and someone you care about, don’t let it go unresolved. It’s best to share your feelings with your partner or peers in a way that’s controlled and with your emotions in tact.


In other words, talk about it as soon as you feel the jealous feelings arise and as soon as you are in an environment that’s safe to share your concerns.


There’s no point letting your emotions build up until they are so strong they take over in a way you’ll later regret. It’s best to keep to the facts.


Hold back from saying any negative comments, being sarcastic or firing off personal attacks.  Remember the goal of the conversation is to ease the feelings of jealousy and get the reassurance you’re craving.


5. Be Independent


Ask yourself if you’re sharing your partner’s life or are you trying to controlling it? One of the reasons people experience jealousy in any kind of relationship is because they feel the other person has more in their life apart from the relationship.


While your partner is off seeing friends, family, playing sport or whatever else they do it’s time for you to fill your life too with other things. It’s okay for people to be in a relationship and still be independent of one another.


Just because you’re together, it doesn’t mean all other friendships need to be sacrificed. Make sure you still have a life outside of the relationship and you have other people you can call and spend time with.  


Just as friendships shouldn’t be sacrificed when you’re in an intimate relationship, it’s equally important to balance relationships with your friends to ensure you’re not neglecting your partner. Creating this balance will alleviate symptoms of jealousy.


If you need some help controlling jealousy you can book an appointment online.


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Mirella DeBoni

Relationship Counselling Specialist, Clinical Hypnotherapist, #1 International Best Selling Author

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