Are You The Jealous Type?
Jealousy is a terrible feeling and it can hurt a relationship. You can learn more in this post about the 4 types of jealousy and the 5 steps you can take to deal with it and enjoy your relationship.
Feeling jealous is a sickening combination of insecurity, possessiveness, suspicion, rage, and humiliation. It can overtake your mind and can happen anytime in a relationship. It also happens when you’re not in a relationship. Jealousy is triggered when there’s a perceived threat to your:
- Being number one in competition
Jealousy is a physical, emotional and mental response to a personally threatening situation. It means you have something that’s worth holding onto and you want to guard it with your life.
Men, women and children can feel jealous. Being jealous in a relationship is a big issue. It can affect people in different ways and can evoke the following fears:
- The fear of losing affection or attention from someone important to you
- Feeling resentful towards someone you have a rivalry with
- Having negative thoughts about other people and wishing them horrible consequences
- Feeling insecure, fear, anxiety at the anticipated loss of a close connection with someone
4 Jealousy Personality Styles
- Manipulative Jealousy
- Clingy Jealousy
- Paranoid Jealousy
- Exhibitionist Jealousy
By learning more about each style, you may be able to identify your behavior or the behavior of someone else. If you can understand yourself or someone else better then you can communicate better and you can resolve conflicts easily. Consider the following information and see if you can recognize your behavior:
The Manipulative Jealousy style is a very sneaky type of jealousy and it’s very persuasive. This person is a game player and can easily get you to do what they want you to do, without you even realizing it.
This person plays with your emotions. They evoke guilt, sadness, and confusion in other people to get what they want, without directly asking for it. Because they don’t directly ask you to do what they want, it leaves you powerless against them.
You can’t confront them about their behavior because it doesn’t exist. It doesn’t exist openly because you can’t pinpoint exactly what they did or said. All they did was use your emotions against you to get what they wanted. There’s no evidence they made you do anything.
By using your emotions against you, you played into the game yourself. It can be confusing and frustrating to deal with this type of jealousy.
The Clingy Style of jealousy is incredibly overwhelming. People with Clingy jealousy drain your time, energy and your emotions. This person wants you all to him or herself and will not compromise and will shower you with attention.
They will be all over you and will do anything for you and they’ll be overprotective. You won’t be allowed to spend time with friends or family, as this person will suffocate you with attention.
They’ll want to know everything about where you are going and who you are with and won’t be satisfied even if you share every detail.
The Paranoid Style of jealousy is when a person wants intimacy but fears it at the same time. It’s hard to know where you stand with this person. What they say on one hand, they can easily take back a few minutes later. They can be very hard people to please.
This person doesn’t trust easily, if at all, and prefers to keep people at a distance but at the same time close.
They will expect to be hurt and let down by you regardless of your character or dedication to the relationship. It’s hard to be in a relationship with a paranoid person because it’s more about what you didn’t do, rather than what you might have done.
This person is very suspicious and paranoid about people in general, no matter who they are. They are also a very controlling person. Because they have trust issues, they’ll be on the lookout for anything they can find to prove they are right and you can’t be trusted.
In fact, for this personality type, it would almost be a relief to catch you out doing something wrong so they can confirm that you are just the same as everyone else.
This person is very intense and stresses easily. They are negative and don’t have high expectations from anyone because they know they’ll be let down. Even though they don’t expect much, they secretly want it all.
The Exhibitionist wants attention all the time. They’re hungry for attention and will do almost anything to get it. They have a need for recognition, admiration and to be the best.
They strive to be superior and better than everyone else. They don’t shy away from competition and will do whatever it takes to win.
When they’re in public, they will show everyone a different side to them that’s very appealing. However, they will also be quick to put people down if they feel threatened they’re better than them at anything.
If they feel a person can outdo them in any area, they will turn the other cheek and show a very different side to what people are used to seeing from them.
They resent being relegated to second-place for your affection and attention because they need to be number one. It’s difficult to satisfy this person or reassure them in any way because they judge their self-worth against others.
5 Simple Steps To Get Over Jealousy
Jealousy is a normal human emotional response when you feel inferior or insecure by someone getting attention from someone you love. Jealousy can make you do some crazy things and it doesn’t feel good or look good to anyone watching your behavior.
You know about the 4 types of jealousy now and none of them sound attractive right? So, let’s look at what you can do to get rid of jealousy.
1. Get Real
If you’re jealous when your partner spends time with someone else or you’re suspicious they’re cheating, make sure you’ve got a good reason for your suspicions. This isn’t to advocate checking text messages or emails on the sly, but instead, consider if they have done anything specific to justify your suspicions and your jealous feelings.
Why don’t you trust them? Is it more about your insecurities or is it about their behavior? The answers will help you determine your next step, whether it’s kicking them to the curb or curbing your insecurities.
2. Don’t Compare Yourself To Others
Comparing yourself to someone else’s looks, body, career, qualifications, car, money etc. can be really problematic. Someone else may have a cool new car while you’re taking public transport, but you can’t tell what’s going on inside another person’s head or life.
Everyone is dealing with their own issues, so maybe you can celebrate your own good fortune and stay motivated to achieve your goals.
3. Focus On What You Have
You can choose to focus on what others have or what you perceive them to have, or you can choose to focus on what you have. Jealousy is often created from the feeling of wanting things we don’t already have in our lives or losing what we have.
People want more attention, more stuff, more security, love, and confidence. If you choose to measure your self-worth by what you see others have, you’re really putting yourself in a situation of swimming upstream. Swimming upstream is a lot of hard work and generally, you stay in the same place.
Instead of coming from a mindset of “I don’t have,” think about your positive qualities, your own achievements and your winning attitude will shine through. It will help you make others appreciate you as much as you appreciate yourself.
Choose to focus and run your own race instead of looking at everyone else, Be kind to yourself!
4. Talk It Through
When there’s a really serious problem between you and someone you care about, don’t let it go unresolved. It’s best to share your feelings with your partner or peers in a way that’s controlled and with your emotions intact.
In other words, talk about it as soon as you feel the jealous feelings arise and as soon as you are in an environment that’s safe to share your concerns.
There’s no point letting your emotions build up until they are so strong they take over in a way you’ll later regret. It’s best to keep to the facts.
Hold back from saying any negative comments, being sarcastic or firing off personal attacks. Remember the goal of the conversation is to ease the feelings of jealousy and get the reassurance you’re craving.
5. Be Independent
Ask yourself if you’re sharing your partner’s life or are you trying to controlling it? One of the reasons people experience jealousy in any kind of relationship is because they feel the other person has more in their life apart from the relationship.
While your partner is off seeing friends, family, playing sport or whatever else they do it’s time for you to fill your life too with other things. It’s okay for people to be in a relationship and still be independent of one another.
Just because you’re together, it doesn’t mean all other friendships need to be sacrificed. Make sure you still have a life outside of the relationship and you have other people you can call and spend time with.
Just as friendships shouldn’t be sacrificed when you’re in an intimate relationship, it’s equally important to balance relationships with your friends to ensure you’re not neglecting your partner. Creating this balance will alleviate symptoms of jealousy.
Feeling jealous is a normal reaction when you feel there is a threat of losing someone you love, to someone else. However, being jealous too often can also cause relationship problems.
Feeling jealous in a relationship can create many problems. It’s important to recognize the traits of jealousy and find effective ways of managing them. It’s ok to feel jealous because it’s a human emotion. However, how you react to the feelings of jealousy is something that can change and should be addressed.
If you need some help overcoming jealousy you can book an appointment online here.