When people are having an emotional affair it’s fair to say they are in denial about the situation.No one likes to think they are being unfaithful or that they’re the “bad guy” for doing the wrong thing in their relationship.
However, denial doesn’t change the fact that you may be having an emotional affair. Emotional affairs happen by accident 99% of the time.
It’s different to a sexual affair that’s driven by a chemical reaction and physical attraction to someone.
An emotional affair takes longer to develop but it is a consistent effort by both people involved that keep it growing.
You may have a great partner already but somewhere along the line you got lonely or started talking with someone of the opposite sex until eventually, you realize you need to have this person in your life.An emotional affair doesn’t mean that you want to have sex with this person either.
It means that you’ve created such a strong bond and connection with this person that you cannot go a day without thinking about them and ultimately needing to hear from them.
Even just a text from that person can change your whole mood. The following is a list of 15 signs of an emotional affair. You can decide for yourself if it’s “just friends” or if it’s an emotional affair.
15 Signs of An Emotional Affair
- You think about this person all the time. They're on your mind and it makes you feel good when you think about them.
- When you talk with them it’s like time flys by. You get lost in time and never run out of things to say to each other. Communication is on tap.
- You will do anything for them. Nothing is too hard or too much. You have their back and you know they have yours.
- You flirt with them when no one else around. Even your texts can have double meanings (so it's not so obvious.)
- There’s a certain attraction with this person. It’s not because they are the best-looking person it’s just there’s ”something about them.”
- You feel you have a connection with them that you don’t have with anyone else. When you’re together or texting it feels like you two have your own little world going on. You probably even have code words that only you two know the meaning of, including the private jokes no one else would understand.
- You prefer to talk with this person above anyone else including your partner because it’s “just easier talking with them.” You know, they “get you”.
- You try not to draw attention to this person with your partner or friends because you know you that you can’t hide your feelings about them. You get excited and never run out of things to say about them. You’re too obvious when it comes to talking about them that you really, really like them.
- You try and avoid seeing them if you’re with your partner or you know they're with their partner. You feel a tinge of jealousy when you think they are with their partner and try to outdo them. You can easily obsess about their partner.
- You go out of your way to get them little things. Just subtle little things to make them happy. Maybe you bring them their favorite chocolate or bring them their favorite coffee to work because you were “just passing by their favorite coffee shop (that’s 10kms in the opposite direction from where you were going) just so you could give them something from you.
- If you don’t hear from them in a day you start to feel sick, sad or pissed off with everyone and you don’t even realize it.
- You tell this person absolutely everything. You tell them your thoughts, your secrets, your problems, your dreams, your past and your future. They are your go-to person for anything and everything and if you’re sad you know they can make you feel better just by one look or one word.
- You put more effort into how you look if you know they will be around. You want to be desirable even if you don’t think you want anything more than friendship.
- You still want them to think you’re attractive.
- You always communicate in secret. You delete messages from each other so you don’t get caught out having to explain what these messages mean. You may even go one step further and get one of the apps that don’t save messages so you know you won’t get caught out.
Conclusion
So, now you know the signs of an emotional affair… do you think you’re having an emotional affair or you’re just friends? Don’t fool yourself. If you’re having an emotional affair now you will take it to another level at some point.
Maybe not with the same person but you will with someone because the more you confide in and spend time with someone other than your partner you’re teaching yourself to feel attracted to other people.
There will come a time when talking isn’t enough to fill the void. My advice is, if you’re in a relationship and having an emotional affair with someone you need to get real with yourself and own it.
Decide what you’re going to do about it. If you don’t know, talk to your partner about it because when they find out the truth chances are the decision will be made for you.
People fall in and out of love every day. No one likes to feel they are second best and no one likes to be the last to know what’s going on in their relationship.
If you’re having an emotional affair don’t think it’s a big secret either. There are plenty of signs of an emotional affair and other people can see it a mile away.
So, do the right thing and end the emotional affair or end your relationship. You can’t have it both ways.
I know that sounds harsh but ultimately something has to give and it’s one of those relationships or it’s your sanity, the respect of family and friends, your work… everything comes at a cost.
If you’re struggling with this, click the button below and book an appointment. Let me help you get off the merry-go-round and find your direction in life.
