Sex and Intimacy How Often Is Normal?
In relationships, it really helps people to have matching libidos. Having a matching libido means the partner’s sex drives are matched equally.
For most couples, this isn’t the case. Usually, one person has a higher sex drive than the other.
One person may want sex and intimacy once a week and the other partner might want sex and intimacy 3 times a day.
A mismatched libido can cause huge resentment in a relationship. One partner feels neglected because they aren’t getting as much sex as they need.
The other partner feels resentful because they are giving more sex than they feel comfortable giving.
Resolving these issues means you need to have a lot of patience. It comes down to the old “c” word – compromise.
How many times a week is normal for couples to have sex in a relationship?
Most surveys seem to vary in the results. Some will show results being once a week being average and others will say once a fortnight. Surveys can also show 3-4 or 5 times a week is normal.
The most important and accurate answer is what works for you as a couple. You can’t compare your sex life in your relationship with others to decide if you’re getting enough. It doesn’t make sense.
There are too many variables to consider to be able to reach a general consensus and how many times it’s normal to have sex in a week.
There are outside influences that affect a couples sex drive and sexual life:
- Having young children
- Stress levels
- Careers or running a business
- Financial pressures
- Hormones and health issues
- Communication issues in a relationship
- The bond and connection between you and your partner
- Being time poor and lack of opportunity
- Differing sex drives
- Conflict in the relationship
- Unresolved issues that have caused hurt in the past
If you have a low sex drive there are other ways to please your partner and show them you love and care for them.
This is a conversation you need to have with your partner so you can get the right answers and not someone else’s opinion.
Author of Where Did My Libido Go, Dr Rosie King states that essential nature of sexual desire fluctuates depending on your physical and emotional well-being and what’s going on in your life.
There are many influences affecting a person’s libido and sex drive. They include physical, emotional, environmental, relationship, sexual and lifestyle elements.
Other Influences Factors Impacting Sex and Intimacy:
- Medications and Pain
- Low self esteem
- Body issues
- Insecurities
- Jealousy
- Lack of affection
- Not feeling loved
- Not wanting to instigate or make the first move
- Feeling rejected
- Sexual Dysfunction
- Grief
- Not feeling attracted to your partner
- Resentment over things that have happened in the past
- Feeling overwhelmed and anxious
- Trust issues
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Do You Need to Have Sex and Intimacy in A Relationship?
I believe that sex defines you as a couple. Sex is intimate, special and connection you should only have with your partner if you are married or in a serious relationship.
How do you separate a friendship from a relationship? Communication, quality time, attraction, interest in the other person are important but so is sex.
Sex isn’t the most important thing in a relationship but it’s up within the top 3 categories and it should be.
Sex and intimacy allows you to be vulnerable, express yourself and feel a soul-level connection with the most special person in your life.
How To Increase Your Chances Of Being In The Mood For Sex and Intimacy
There is obviously a huge amount of issues listed that can affect your libido so what can you do about it?
Some of those influencing factors are not your responsibility however there are some things you can do to ensure you are doing the best you can and maximize your desire for having sex.
- Being physically fit and healthy and well-rested
- Feeling emotionally balanced and relaxed as much as possible
- Open up the lines of communication and talk with your partner
- Be fun to be around
- Be romantic and know what your partner likes
- Put some effort in and set the scene - create a nice setting
- Mix it up and add variety
- Reduce alcohol consumption
- Help out around the house to take pressure off your partner
- Make time for each other a priority
- Be respectful to each other
- Have a good attitude
Conclusion
Find out what sex and intimacy mean to your partner. Find out what their sexual needs are and what the alternatives are if you’re not up for it or into it. I’m sure they’ll give you plenty of ideas!
It’s very important to understand that you DO NOT have to do anything you can’t do with all your heart.
Be honest because your partner will know it and feel it, which causes resentment and low self-esteem which is really going away from the goal of building intimacy.
Do it with a smile and love in your heart or don’t do it.
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