How People Use Social Media During A Relationship Breakup


woman on laptop after relationship breakup


5 Ways People Use Social Media For A Relationship Breakup

Communication is easy to achieve regardless of distance and time thanks to social media and the world wide web.

Back in the days where there was no social media, when a relationship ended, you didn’t know what your ex was up to unless someone told you.  If you left town, you wouldn’t bump into your ex, you wouldn’t run into familiar places where you created memories together and you wouldn’t see what they were up to.  If you wanted to make a clean break from an ex, it was very doable.


Today, however, with social media, it’s much harder to make a clean break. You can be in the same town or even over-seas, and the chance of seeing your partner on social media is fairly high.  Even if you “unfriend” your ex, there will always be someone who is connected to someone down the chain of social media who will accidentally expose the one person you have been trying so hard to avoid.


Social media has created the platform for cyber stalking their ex’s.  The first thing people do these days when they break up with someone is, change their relationship status on Facebook. They feel the need to tell the whole world their business. This creates curiosity and people want to know more details about “what’s going on”. It’s like small town gossip but it’s spread world-wide.


There are 5 Ways People Use Social Media When They Have a Relationship Break Up:


The Attention Seeker

When the person is asked “what’s happened” they’ve just achieved exactly what they wanted – the excuse to purge all their emotional baggage publicly.  They want to give examples of things that have happened during the relationship and place themselves in the victim role. They want sympathy, they want understanding and they want attention.  To anyone on the outside of the relationship breakup, it comes across as desperate and uncool. Private business should be kept private.


The Selfie-Seeker

There are people who want to put on a brave face through the breakup and show the world they are still loveable and desirable. You will see pictures of them in skimpy clothes, at the gym, out at parties showing everyone how much fun they are having, pictures of them kissing a random person because of course everybody wants them now, and “selfies” coming out of the shower or something provocative. When people are feeling unloved they can get desperate for attention and they need to fill their cup with compliments. They are searching for self esteem and they want their ex to see them and kick themselves for the breakup and for letting them get-away.


The Drama Queen

You’ll see other’s who will elude that something is going on in their life. They are the drama queens. They won’t tell you directly what’s going on, they just want everyone to ask them about how they’re feeling. “Are You Ok?”  You’ll see generally, they will not even respond to the well wishes because this creates an even deeper layer of drama. “OMG – they haven’t replied, something must be going on that’s really bad”. The mystery has been planted and they will milk it for as long as they can. Then they will post another vague statement to get more attention. It’s off putting.  People see through it and stop asking if you’re alright at some point.


The Keyboard Warrior

There is also the person who will try and recruit teams. They want to know who’s got their back and they want it known publicly. They will bag out their partner, their partners friends or family to create a war. They love it when people reply with venom and viscous attacks. On the outside of this problem it’s hilarious how people who have no business getting involved will jump in and defend and retaliate to comments posted. And then it get’s out of control when someone puts the capslock on. Oh, yeah, shits getting real now. All the keyboard warriors fingers are flying across the keyboard as they spit out more words of hate.


The Eraser

And then there’s the one who has to erase every single person from their friends list who ever has had anything to do with their ex. They feel the need to remove and wipeout any connection whatsoever to their ex. They will usually announce it to the world with a heartfelt and deep regret that they will now need to cull through their friend list in order to recover and move on in their life. So, you will find you have been moved from the friends list back into the pool of the world wide web of social media because apparently you are now tarnished. In some way, shape or form you are related to the ex – even if you didn’t like them. Too bad for you, you need to find another friend now.


The problem is when people are emotional they act too quickly and before they know it, they’re back together in the relationship again. And then they have to face everyone and justify their actions.


That’s when even more drama starts because:


  • The people who rallied against the ex during the breakup are now on the “we can’t be friends because you were mean to my partner” list.
  • Friends lose respect for the way things were handled and have bad feelings about the relationship being back on.
  • Family and friends who were insulted during the “Facebook War” are hurt and don’t usually heal very quickly.
  • All the publicity during your breakup has created a lack of trust between everyone.
  • When you breakup with someone, be respectful and keep it private.

The truth is people don’t really care about your drama. Once your drama is over there is another drama to read and get involved in. Meanwhile, you have exposed intimate details about yourself, your partner and your relationship online for everyone to see. But, not just anyone, it’s all your closest friends, family and work colleagues that have been exposed to your vulnerabilities.


Breaking up is painful and it hurts. However, you are better off dealing with your emotions in a controlled manner and preferably not on social media.


Here Are 9 Tips To Breakup With Dignity & Respect:


  1.  Talk to a friend not several friends. People tend to gossip even if they don’t mean to.
  2. If you are struggling to cope with the breakup, see a Counsellor. You will learn how to control your feelings and express them so you can heal.
  3. Take time for self care. Get a massage, eat better food, exercise and get plenty of rest to recharge your mind and body.
  4. Write about how you feel in a journal. You can even write your whole story about the relationship. Writing is very therapeutic and healing.
  5. Go away for a weekend. Get a change in scenery and recharge yourself in a new environment. Get some friends together and go out to distract yourself.
  6. STAY OFF social media. Don’t cyber stalk your partner to see what they are up to.
  7. Take the time to process your relationship and how or why it ended so you can make some sense of it. Once you have made sense of it all, you can decide what you can do about it.
  8. If you want to talk to your ex make sure you haven’t been drinking, you’re not feeling emotional and think about what you want to say and where you want the conversation to lead. Don’t say things you’ll later regret.
  9. Maybe your relationship is worth saving. Most relationships don’t end straight away. There is always someone who feels there is unfinished business or wants to make changes to stay together. Turn your breakup into a breakthrough and take your relationship to a new level using what you have learnt.


It hurts when your relationship is at the breakup stage. You need to take the time to process the relationship, what worked, what didn’t work and where you are at right now.  The biggest lesson to learn is you need to feel whatever feelings come up for you.  These feelings will be intense and that’s ok, you will get through it and you will have another relationship. You may even get back together so it’s important to keep your dignity in tact and treat your break up discretely and with compassion.


If you need some help getting over a relationship breakup or trying to work through it you can book an appointment online here:


Book counselling for relationship breakup help



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Mirella DeBoni

Relationship Counselling Specialist, Clinical Hypnotherapist, #1 International Best Selling Author

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