personality differences relationship counselling

Personality Differences

Personality Differences in Your Relationship

Opposites attract for many reasons and the differences in each person’s personality can make or break a relationship.

The personality differences will either complement the relationship or tear it apart.

What we’re attracted to in the other person, in the beginning, the little things that seem so cute, drive us crazy in the end.

Sometimes people leave the relationship for the very things they fell in love within the beginning.

So if personality differences can make or break a relationship wouldn’t it be a good thing to identify our differences and work with them rather than against them?

personality differences in your relationship

Why Can’t You Just “Get Over it?”

Our personality differences impact the way we revolve, avoid or cause conflict.Why do some people get over an argument quickly and others hold on to it for long periods of time and sometimes forever?

It’s all in the way we store our memories. Some people store memories in the back of their mind which means when things happen in their life they let go of it quickly and easily because they are all about the experience.

It doesn’t matter so much to them if the experience is good or bad (although I am sure they would prefer good experiences!).

They can let it go quickly because once the experience, situation or event has occurred it’s stored in the back of their mind quickly.

These people can also suffer trying to remember things from the past because of the way they store their memories. 

This personality difference means people are programmed on how they store their memories and how good they are at remembering things.

When someone doesn’t remember an anniversary or event from the past it can be really frustrating and sometimes hurtful to their partner but it’s not intentional.

This is a really hard sell to the partner who does remember everything because it sounds like their partner doesn’t care.  It’s not the case at all.

Other people store their memories in the front of their minds.

These are the people who are extremely good at holding grudges and they can bring up events in great detail from years ago.

It feels like they have the advantage because they remember every detail and can render you powerless when they recall events that can be used against you.

These people find it hard to let things go because their memory is stored right in front of them. Again, this is not good or bad it is just the way they are programmed.

In relationships you will usually find one person stores their memories in front and one will store their memories behind which can cause a whole lot of other issues and conflicts. 

It is extremely beneficial to know which way your partner is storing their memories because it means you can work with the natural differences rather than against them.

It will nip many conflicts in the bud quickly and easily and there will so much more peace in your household I can’t begin to tell you the difference!

There are two ways of thinking. One is In Time and the other is Through Time. 

If you look closely at the differences between the two you will easily identify which one you are and also which one your partner is.

You will be able to understand why you have different ways of thinking and why you are driven to behave the way you do.

With this understanding, I hope you will use the information to be able to work with your differences and compliment your relationship, keep it strong and keep the love alive.

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In Time Personality

A person who is In Time organizes their memories behind them and their future memories in front of them. Generally, front to back with many variations.

Because they organize their memories behind them, they are able to forgive people and life situations easily and move on.

They do not hold grudges or look back with emotion. They do not like to be locked into any plans; they are more laid back in their approach to goals and to life in general.

They are generally late as time is not important to them. They are more prone to drugs and alcohol because they like that ‘woo-hoo’ kind of feeling.

The In Time person is more caught up in the now and does not have a real focus on the future as it is not as important to them. 

They like to keep their options open and can seem to be unreliable as they are dependably late. 

They are more uncomfortable avoiding the closure as they change and go with the moment rather than plan around it.

Through Time Personality

Through Time Personalities organize their past memories in front of them and their future memories in front of them and generally side to side with many variations. Time is extremely important to these people.

If you were going to meet them for a coffee at 10am they would be there at 9.45am and they would be waiting and watching the clock. They are always early or on time.

They are very organized and write lists and have routines for the day. They are planners. They need closure on issues and information. If they do not get closure their minds will turn round and round until they get closure no matter how long it takes. 

They are very controlled in their behavior. Because their past memories are in front of them they live in the past.

The past life experiences determine their future. They are almost like the rules which they live by. They find it very hard to let go of issues and emotions because the events are still right in front of them.

When they access or recall a memory they are dissociated in that they see themselves in the memory rather than looking through their own eyes. 

When a person is accessing a memory and looking through their own eyes, they are feeling the feelings of the memory as if they are actually there again. 

 Through Time people find it a bit more difficult to be in the moment as their focus is more on the past.

Organised Personality

Using these differences in your relationship

So now you understand the differences between In Time and Through Time, you can determine which one you are and which one your partner is.

You can also work out why some people can let go of situations and events in life easily whilst others hold onto them and relive them every day. 

You can understand why some people get really annoyed when you are late and why others are always early and reliable.

You can understand why some people can make a commitment whilst others struggle to make a commitment. You can understand why some people are real go-getters and others are just happy scraping by.

You can also understand why some people can go out to a party and be home by midnight and others don’t know when it’s time to go home and just keep partying.

You may also understand that when any of the above issues arise your partner is not trying to hurt you or break your heart or even test you. 

They are just wired in a specific way to think, function and feel that’s different to your way.

For example, expecting someone to marry you because you have been together for two years is not realistic if your partner is an In Time person because they do not want to be locked into anything.

It’s not realistic to expect your partner to be home on time when they are an In Time person. You would be asking them to give you something they don’t have.

It is the same as asking a Through Time person to go on a holiday with you sometime. They would want to know the location, time frame, weather, cost, travel arrangements etc. 

They would need to know all the details because they need closure. Asking them to relax and just let it happen would be asking them to give you something they don’t have.

In Time or Through Time Personalities are neither good nor bad. They’re just personalities that we can learn from in order to understand ourselves and others better.

 Identifying which type you are can improve your communication and relationship immensely.

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Mirella DeBoni

Mirella DeBoni

I’m Mirella DeBoni! Living in the Whitsundays, with my husband and 3 children you'll find me with a cappuccino in hand, surrounded by cats & armed with cute stationery (too good to write on!) I'm here to help you on your personal and professional journey to greatness. Qualified in Counselling, Clinical Hypnotherapy, NLP Training, Business Coaching and Best Selling Author.

Mirella DeBoni
Hi there,
I'm Mirella

Look, you’re on this page for a reason and I’m here to help.

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