Jealous women fighting

Feeling jealous is a normal reaction when you feel there is a threat of losing someone you love, to someone else.  However, being jealous too often can also cause relationship problems.



Are You The Jealous Type? 


Feeling jealous is a sickening combination of insecurity, possessiveness, suspicion, rage and humiliation. It can overtake your mind and can happen anytime in a relationship.  It also happens when you’re not in a relationship.   Jealousy is triggered when there’s a perceived threat to your:

  • Security
  • Relationship
  • Family
  • Job
  • Material/Status
  • Being number one in competition


Jealousy is a physical, emotional and mental response to a personally threatening situation. It means you have something that’s worth holding onto and you want to guard it with your life.


Men, women and children can feel jealous. Being jealous in a relationship is a big issue. It can affect people in different ways and can evoke the following fears: 

  • The fear of losing affection or attention from someone important to you
  • Feeling resentful towards someone you have a rivalry with
  • Having negative thoughts about other people and wishing them horrible consequences
  • Feeling insecure, fear, anxiety at the anticipated loss of a close connection with someone


4 Jealousy Personality Styles


  • Manipulative Jealousy
  • Clingy Jealousy
  • Paranoid Jealousy
  • Exhibitionist Jealousy


By learning more about each style, you may be able to identify your behaviour or the behaviour of someone else. If you can understand yourself or someone else better then you can communicate better and you can resolve conflicts easily.  Consider the following information and see if you can recognise your behaviour:


Manipulative Jealousy


The Manipulative Jealousy style is a very sneaky type of jealousy and it’s very persuasive. This person is a game player and can easily get you to do what they want you to do, without you even realising it.


This person plays with your emotions. They evoke guilt, sadness and confusion in other people to get what they want, without directly asking for it. Because they don’t directly ask you to do what they want, it leaves you powerless against them.


You can’t confront them about their behaviour because in doesn’t exist.  It doesn’t exist openly because you can’t pinpoint exactly what they did or said. All they did was use your emotions against you to get what they wanted.  There’s no evidence they made you do anything.


By using your emotions against you, you played into the game yourself. It can be confusing and frustrating to deal with this type of jealousy.


Clingy Jealousy 


The Clingy Style of jealousy is incredibly overwhelming. People with Clingy jealousy drain your time, energy and your emotions.  This person wants you all to him or herself and will not compromise and will shower you with attention.


They will be all over you and will do anything for you and they’ll be overprotective. You won’t be allowed to spend time with friends or family, as this person will suffocate you with attention.  


They’ll want to know everything about where you are going and who you are with and won’t be satisfied even if you share every detail.


Paranoid Jealousy


The Paranoid Style of jealousy is when a person wants intimacy but fears it at the same time. It’s hard to know where you stand with this person.  What they say on one hand, they can easily take back a few minutes later. They can be very hard people to please.


This person doesn’t trust easily, if at all, and prefers to keep people at a distance but at the same time close.


woman feeling jealousy when her partner is on the phoneThey will expect to be hurt and let down by you regardless of your character or dedication to the relationship. It’s hard to be in a relationship with a paranoid person because it’s more about what you didn’t do, rather than what you might have done.


This person is very suspicious and paranoid about people in general, no matter who they are. They are also a very controlling person.


Because they have trust issues, they’ll be on the lookout for anything they can find to prove they are right and you can’t be trusted. In fact, for this personality type, it would almost be a relief to catch you out doing something wrong so they can confirm that you are just the same as everyone else.


This person is very intense and stresses easily. They are negative and don’t have high expectations from anyone because they know they’ll be let down. Even though they don’t expect much, they secretly want it all.


Exhibitionist Jealousy


The Exhibitionist wants attention all the time. They’re hungry for attention and will do almost anything to get it. They have a need for recognition, admiration and to be the best.


They strive to be superior and better than everyone else.  They don’t shy away from competition and will do whatever it takes to win.


When they’re in public, they will show everyone a different side to them that’s very appealing. However, they will also be quick to put people down if they feel threatened they’re better than them at anything.


If they feel that person can out do them in any area, they will turn the other cheek and show a very different side to what people are used to seeing from them.  


They resent being relegated to second-place for your affection and attention because they need to be number one. It’s difficult to satisfy this person or reassure them in any way because they judge their self-worth against others.




Feeling jealous in a relationship can create many problems. It’s important to recognise the traits of jealousy and find effective ways of managing them. It’s ok to feel jealous because it’s a human emotion.  However, how you react to the feelings of jealousy is something that can change and should be addressed.


If you need some help overcoming jealousy you can book an appointment online here.

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Mirella DeBoni

Relationship Counselling Specialist, Clinical Hypnotherapist, #1 International Best Selling Author

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