How To Improve Self Esteem


improve self esteem


Low Self Esteem


The definition of low self esteem is when a person focuses the attention on all the negative things in life and all the things they don’t have. It magnifies their short comings and they don’t acknowledge their strengths and achievements. They put themselves down and they feel depressed, anxious and miserable.


It’s important to understand how low self esteem can impact your life without you realising it.  When you get busy you don’t realise what you’re feeling until your feelings are really intense and can’t be ignored. Low self esteem can create issues for you personally, professionally and romantically.


It will effect the way you communicate with others.  When you communicate, you can say what you think and feel with confidence.  If you don’t have self confidence or high self esteem you will more than likely not say what’s on your mind because you don’t want to offend or upset anyone.  When you don’t express yourself  it means you’re not standing up for yourself. When you don’t stand up for yourself you can feel even worse.  


Low self esteem will impact your ability to connect to others and create new relationships and friendships.  If your self esteem is low it’s difficult to have the courage to present yourself to others. There is too much fear, doubt and self judgment.  Too much self judgement will stop you putting yourself out there because you feel your safety is threatened.   Low self esteem can amplify fear and anxiety of being rejected.


Low self esteem doesn’t just affect the results you are getting in life it affects the way you think and feel about yourself.  


Low Self Esteem Checklist. Do you:


  • Constantly think negative thoughts
  • Read people’s minds about what they really think 
of you
  • Judge yourself
  • Criticise yourself
  • Call yourself names
  • Notice all the things about yourself that you don’t 
  • Remind yourself of all your failures and short 
  • Hang out by yourself
  • Be socially inept
  • Feel depressed and sad
  • Feel frustrated
  • Start things and don’t finish them
  • Give up on projects 


It’s normal to feel some of the above but the real questions is, “how do you feel about you?”  Are you moving forward towards things you want in your life?  Are you taking action, asking for help, challenging yourself and living a life of your choosing or are you wishing you could get that job, ask that person out on a date, join the sports team or something else?  If you think your self esteem could use a boost there are many things you can do to improve your self esteem.  


How To Improve Self Esteem


What you need to know is if you want to improve self esteem you need to do it regularly. It’s not something you do just once. There’s no magic bullet to improve self esteem. If you want to boost your self esteem you need to plant the seeds and let them grow by nurturing them. Everything has a gestation period which means everything has a natural time frame from start to finish.  To speed up the time process means you’re skipping steps and won’t end up with the result you set out to achieve. Improving self esteem is a process of building good feelings and good thoughts about you which takes time.


It takes time because you need to believe the changes you’re making. When you change your self-talk you need to believe your new thoughts.  You need to rehearse the self-talk in your mind over and over again. Repetition will help you hold onto the self-talk and keep it going. You also need to feel the differences in your mind and body when your self-talk has become more positive.  When you attach feelings to your thoughts you create a new experience for yourself.  Then you need to live out your new thoughts and feelings so you can take action towards the things in life that you didn’t have the courage to do before.  


Improve Self Esteem With Positive Self-Talk


Think about some of the things you say to yourself, maybe about your work skills, your communication skills, your looks or your body.  If you’re saying things that aren’t nice, you need to rethink what you’re saying and make some changes.  Decide what you want to say to yourself instead so you can feel good about yourself. Write down your new thoughts and start rehearsing them over and over again. Remember how long you have been saying the negative things to yourself and that’s about the same kind of repetition you need to do with your new thoughts. To improve self esteem you need to keep your self-talk positive and be aware of what you’re saying.


Improve Self Esteem With Appearance


If you want to make changes to your appearance because it would make you feel good and improve self esteem that’s fine.  Just know that you don’t have to change everything about yourself to improve your self esteem.  If you want to improve self esteem, it’s more about accepting yourself than changing yourself.  When it comes to your thoughts and feelings you do need to change them to support your new found self esteem.  


Some changes are easier than others and some changes are internal while others are external. Make sure the changes you want to make are for you.  You don’t want to change to fit someone else’s idea of who you should be.  If you’re with someone who makes you feel not good enough you need to understand that no one can make you feel anything.  Only you can do your feelings.  When you improve self esteem you will have more control over your emotions and you will be mentally stronger to cope with others.


Improve Self Esteem With Your Beliefs


Another important piece to improve self esteem is your beliefs. What you believe are the rules you live by. Beliefs give you permission to do things and they can eliminate your possibilities too. Are your self beliefs empowering and motivating you?  


If you believe you can do something, you are right. If you believe you can’t do something you are also right.  If your beliefs are negative and self sabotaging you can change them so you can feel empowered.  If you believe in yourself you have already taken the first step towards making your dreams a reality.  


To improve self esteem, think about the beliefs you have around relationships, work opportunities, finances and other areas that are important in your life and if your beliefs don’t make you feel everything is possible you need to change your beliefs so you can feel inspired.


Improve Self Esteem With Life Experiences


Life experiences will impact your self esteem and self confidence.  When you experience a situation in your life you will attach a meaning to it and feelings.  If you attach a negative meaning it mean you are programming your mind to create barriers.  


Barriers are created for self protection but the problem is when you create barriers you are also blocking out the good with the bad.  Instead of blocking things out you need to start facing one situation at a time.  When you face a situation and deal with your feelings you can attach an appropriate meaning to the situation so you don’t have to avoid places, things or people in the future.  


Imagine, if you were riding a bike and you’re having fun and the next minute you fall down and scape your knee. You may take the meaning from this as, “don’t ride a bike every again because you will fall off.” Then you attach the feeling of fear to the situation.  How likely are you to go for a bike ride again in your life?  Probably never.  You could replace the meaning with something like this,” When I ride a bike I need to wear my knee pads for protection”.  The feelings you could attach to that statement is control. 


If you have a relationship and it doesn’t work out you will be upset and most likely hurt.  If you create a belief that “all men/women are the same and can’t be trusted” the feeling that you attach to this will make sure you resist relationships in the future.  


This belief will stop you developing intimate relationships in your life which means it’s limiting your opportunities.  You need to make sure that you can find a lesson from any situation or event in your life.  The lesson will help you look at the situation differently so you can create beliefs that are positive. This will improve self esteem and help you deal with situations in life much easier.


To improve self esteem, involves a combined  journey of self-discovery and self-empowerment.  You want to be looking for the lessons in your life so you can feel in control of what happens next in your life.  Without the lesson you are likely to attract the same experiences over and over again. Life doesn’t come with a set of instructions of do’s and don’ts. We have to learn this for ourselves, sometimes we learn it the easy way and sometimes the hard way.


If you need some help to improve self esteem book an appointment online and you will learn the process to boost your self esteem and remove the barriers in your life.



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Mirella DeBoni

Relationship Counselling Specialist, Clinical Hypnotherapist, #1 International Best Selling Author

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