Are You In Love With A Narcissist?
It can be difficult to realize that you’re in love with a narcissist until it’s too late. You may be invested in the relationship and your future. However, it’s extremely important that you know what you’re getting into.
Therefore, the earlier you know that the person you love, or are falling for, is a narcissist, the better it will be. You can get out of the relationship if you choose to, or you can continue moving forward with knowledge that you’re in a relationship with a narcissist and things are going to get full on.
So let’s look at the signs and see if this describes the person you’re in love with because it definitely describes a narcissist.
Signs You're In A Relationship With a Narcissist
You've Been Dazzled
When you first meet they love bomb you. Give you all the compliments you can imagine. They make you feel like you’ve literally been sent from heaven above. Everything about you is perfect. They way you look, the way you dress, your job or career, you’re so intelligent blah blah.
They will take you out to the most expensive places, money is no object. They want you to believe they are cashed up. (They usually are not cashed up).
They want to impress you, your friends and family. It’s important to them that everyone thinks they’re hot shit.
And you, well you are going to think you have found “the one.” The attention they give is addictive. But it doesn’t last. And that’s what packs the punch the most.
You know what it felt like to have that beautiful attention and now not only is it gone, it’s changed into something ugly.
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Narcissists Are Charming & Romantic If You Comply
As I mentioned, Narcissists or people with narcissistic personality disorder can be extraordinarily charming and romantic. They can shower you with attention. They can inundate you with material items like jewelry, romantic getaways and more.
However, this behavior will only continue as long as you give them what they want.
What they want can change from day to day. They may want you to behave a certain way or look a certain way. They absolutely want you to shower them with attention and adoration and when you stop doing this, or you disagree with what they want you to do, they may withhold their attention.
They may give you the silent treatment or withhold sex. They might even get a little verbally abusive or critical of you.
Their “love” turns into control and manipulation. You must understand to a Narcissist you are there to serve a purpose. Their purpose.
They use a classic strategy of punishment and reward when you’re in a relationship to shape your behaviour.
Narcissists Lie, Exaggerate,& Tell Stories
How often do you sit through long stories about how wonderful they are? The stories often contain blatant lies and exaggerations. They may live on a house on a cliff when in reality it’s just a small hill.
They may brag about their position at work assisting the head of surgery when in fact all they did was observe a surgery. Narcissists love to talk about themselves and they love to make the story look larger than life.
Unfortunately, they believe the story and they expect you to as well. Their stories will make them either the hero or the victim. They don’t mind a good old helping of empathy and compassion.
You will notice they get restless when other people are talking and it’s not about them. However, they have the ability to turn any conversation back to themselves so they’re back in the spotlight. After all, what better topic of conversation than.. them?
A Narcissist Will Isolate You
If your partner tries to dominate your time, they may have NPD. Narcissists are generally jealous of the time that you spend with others, including friends and family. In the beginning they will befriend the people around you.
After that they will criticise them and put them down trying to turn you against them. They may guilt you, threaten you, or worse. Ultimately they feel best when they are in control of you. All of you.
Narcissists in General
Narcissists lack empathy and really won’t listen to you talk about your day. They don’t really care unless it involves them. They won’t ever admit they’re wrong. You get all the blame and they get all the credit.
People with NPD may also be poor at following through on what they say they’re going to do. They’re self-centered and if they don’t feel like doing something, they won’t even if they gave their word.
They’re very concerned with image and how they’re perceived, and any deviation from their fantasy can cause an emotional outburst.
It can be quite a challenge to be in a relationship with someone who has NPD. Whether you’re dating them, married to them, just friends or even family members. It’s important to have clear boundaries and some understanding.
Narcissistic personality disorder is difficult to deal with on many levels. There are many traits of a Narcissist and you will find most of us behave in some of those ways. But like anything else in life, too much of something is a recipe for disaster.
A Personal Note To You
If You’re dating a Narcissist. If it feels like you’re always wrong, you’re always apologising, your confused and overwhelmed most of the time then you’re probably experiencing the aftermath of being with a Narcissist for too long.
Obviously the don’t start out this way. As I mentioned they are very charming and mostly attractive people. They have a certain confidence about them that usually makes insecurities and self-doubt.
They talk the talk and will say anything to impress. Starting off with small white lies that continue to grow. By the time you start putting 2 and 2 together you’ve been in the relationship long enough that it’s hard to get out off.
Not only that but they will gaslight you over and over until you start thinking you’re making shit up. The truth is it takes time to recognise the type of person you’re with when it comes to a Narcissist.
You honestly can’t rely on your own judgment but you bet your arse your family and friends know exactly who you’re with. They’ve been isolated and pushed away from you slowly but surely.
So, if you’re confused and you think you’re in a relationship with a Narcissist talk to your family and friends.
Chances are you’re not crazy and it’s not it your head. You’re just with someone who knows how to play you like a fiddle.
Look out for the next blog post where I will talk about treatment for Narcissistic Personality Disorder.