11 ways to catch your partner cheating

11 Ways to Catch Your Partner Cheating

Is Your Partner Cheating?

Firstly, I hope your partner isn’t cheating on you. However, no one wants to be the last to know either. If you’re reading this blog then theres a fair chance you have suspicions that something maybe going on. 

You’re looking for answers to satisfy your thoughts and hopefully you are wrong. In this blog you’ll learn 11 ways you can catch your partner cheating – if that’s the case. And the best outcome will be you go through all of these points and find out that’s not the case.

This blog is not to make you paranoid it’s to give you closure one way or another.

So let’s get into it.

11 Ways to Catch Your Partner Cheating

catching your partner cheating

1. Phone Records

When someone is suspicious of their partners behaviour, it can make the average person a bloody good detective, and nothing beats a scorned lover rife for revenge, checking out the phone bill and looking for patterns of repetitive phone numbers is the first way and most concrete way to catch your partner in an emotional affair.

I have seen accounts brought into marriage counselling with literally hundreds of pages and thousands of calls & text messages.

It’s basically an inventory of infidelity.

You’ll find the same number repetitively as messages go back and forth. Look for weird times of calls & messages, look for length and duration of calls to the same number. Specifically look for times when you are not with your partner.

Let’s say you work Saturday mornings or play sport or go to the gym, look for those times that are part of your predicable routines and you will see a pattern of messages & calls during these times.

1. Cheating by Morse Code

how to catch your partner cheating

The old ring twice, then hang up. This is a bit old school but not everyone who cheats is current with the times. They have to do what they have to do.

When the phone rings and stops, often this is not Telstra having issues, it’s the emotional affair partner having issues and they need to speak to your partner. After the ringing, your partner will make an excuse to leave the house & you can bet your bottom dollar, they are on the phone within seconds and arranging to meet.

2. Apps With No Records

Most people have caught onto the Telstra print outs and are becoming sneakier & more sophisticated. Look for apps on your partners phone, iPad and computer like Viber.

Viber is an app that gives you a phone number so you can call your emotional affair partner without any record of the call… and its free too.

So how would you know if there is no record of dates to prove the communication is happening? Having the app is proof enough – if you don’t use Viber too. 

Or if you partner has never mentioned that they use Viber to call family/friends etc. There are so many apps like this.

Why would you need Viber if you have a mobile anyway? Why, because there’s no proof of who you’re calling – that’s why!

3. Social Media

Check who your partner is sending/receiving private messages from. Don’t have access to their account? Why not? Is it private? Why?

When you’re in a relationship you should be an open book. If there’s nothing to hide, there’s nothing to hide. If you don’t want your partner to read or see messages you’ve sent or received, it’s most likely that they’re inappropriate.

Put it this way, if your mum sent you a message about making plans for Mother’s Day, would you care if your partners read the message? NO.

If an ex sent you a message telling you how hot you are or how “you’re the one that got away” you probably don’t want your partner to read it because it could cause conflict even if you have no feelings for that person.


cheating on partner through social media

Now, if you have a message from a person that you’re having an emotional affair with saying “miss you so much, can’t wait to see you. I know this is wrong, but I can’t stop thinking about you” you’re going to have a Vault, keeping everyone away and locked out of your messages.

As the old saying goes, “if you wouldn’t say something in front of your partner, it means you know you shouldn’t be saying it”.

The thing is yes you can hit delete and erase the messages so you don’t get caught out and there’s no history. But, most people don’t delete these messages.

Why? Because they like to read them over and over again. These are stolen moments. Instant feel goods. So although it seems obvious – delete them so you don’t get caught. Most people don’t do that.

4. New Phones Syncing to iPads

Oh this one is gold. This is probably the most popular way cheaters get caught out. And I have to say almost the worst and most horrifying way too.

When someone buys a new phone somehow all the old data gets transferred over to the new phone – maybe because there’s more data I don’t know. 

I suck at technology. But when they sync all the messages sync to the iPad. Now a lot of people give their ipads to their kids to play with and that’s how people get caught out.

I’ve had many couples say that their kid asked them what these messages are. The parent starts reading and gets the overview of the whole emotional affair. In detail. With images.  

It’s bloody terrible but it also is something that cannot be explained away either.


The words are there in black and white, message after message. Message and response from both parties. You cannot manipulate the situation to be something other than what it is. A cheater getting caught out.

Although this is horrible it also leaves no questions to be answered. The old “he/she didn’t mean anything” just won’t hold up. Emotions just off the screen and you can feel the connection between those two people.

And that is what cuts like a knife. The connection they are having with someone else that they don’t have with you. You can’t buy that. Skinny won’t buy it. Getting buff at the gym won’t buy it. 

No. That kind of connection comes with investing time into someone, getting to know them and confiding in them.

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5. Fake Profiles

People are getting sneakier and creating fake profiles and communicating on these profiles. These are sneaky people because they appear to be an open book because they have nothing to hide because they know you won’t find it anyway.

Well, they may be sneaky but that doesn’t mean they’re smart. Over time they get lazy and leave themselves logged into the fake profile and you’ll find everything.

They don’t bother to delete messages because they don’t think they’ll get caught. #Narcissist

6. Fake Phone Contact ID’s

Look for silly names in the contact list on your partners phones. People trying to hide things visually think they are clever & discreet but when you’re looking for it, it can stick out like a sore thumb.

They will also use same gender names, so it doesn’t trigger suspicion if the missed call was from “Johnno”, if you have a male partner or “Jenny” if your partner is female. The clue is to check messages from that person to see how often they appear.  

Some people will even use a stupid name like Tinkerbell or an asterix or a number or another symbol instead of a name. OK, that’s not too obvious!!

7. Scent

Might be an obvious one but your partners clothes will smell of perfume or after shave if they’ve been meeting someone else. Their car will also smell like perfume or aftershave – like the seatbelt.

It will be more intense than the clothing if they meet in the car, if the windows have been up overnight that’s the smell of deceit right there.

8. Random Gifts & Purchases

If your partners suddenly has a “gift” and the explanation seems a bit off, do customers really give “wallets” because you gave great service? Do they give jewellery because you helped them by doing your job? Nah, not usually.

It’s not the gift itself that’s the give-away, it’s the elaborate story to justify the gift that makes it obvious that there’s something more to it. It’s also the way they won’t part with it, that makes it a tell-tale sign. 

Check credit card statements for gifts purchased too.

9. Instant Friends

cheating on your partner

When they force a friendship with another couple and suddenly you can’t remember your life without these people in it. BBQ’s, camping, dinner, birthday parties etc. 

When another couple is invited over all the time it’s because they are willing to do anything to have their “person” around. Watch the behaviour, the looks, the subtle touching & flirting. People can’t hide their feelings.

They think they are being smart but no, they’re being obvious.

10. Working Long Hours

This might sound obvious, but work seems to grow and the urgency to be there later and on weekends is a sure sign of an emotional affair. How would you know? Because there is no “end” in sight.

The extra work should get them closer to an outcome for a project – meaning the extra work is predicted to end within a deadline. There are more than these two involved, there should also be a monetary gain for the overtime right?

If it’s work for the sake of not being home, there’s more to it. Have you checked if they’re at the office/on the job?

11. Obsessed with How They Look

Suddenly dressing different, personal grooming changes, being more active, losing weight or going out more can be signs of an affair.

When your partner is investing time, money and energy into improvement, but you don’t get to share the outcome – meaning “you’re not getting any” means they are doing it for someone else. Or at least they are not doing for you.

Yes of course, some people do it for self-improvement, to feel good about themselves and that’s great but the tell-tale sign is if they want LESS intimacy and attention from YOU but love getting it from others.

If they’re not in an emotional affair, they are probably looking for something that’s missing.

Conclusion on Catching Your Partner Cheating

There are lots of ways to catch someone out when they’re cheating.

This blog is not to create suspicion in your relationship but to inform those who already have that sinking feeling that something isn’t right.

More to the point, you wouldn’t be reading this post if you weren’t already thinking something might be going on. No one likes to be the last to know if their partner is cheating.

There are differences in the way men and women cheat too. You can read more about that here.

I hope if you do find something from these 11 points, you find it for a reason. There is always a choice and there is always hope that you can turn your relationship around.

Need some help? If you’re struggling with this and you need some help you can click here to book an appointment.

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Mirella DeBoni

I’m Mirella DeBoni! Living in the Whitsundays, with my husband and 3 children you'll find me with a cappuccino in hand, surrounded by cats & armed with cute stationery (too good to write on!) I'm here to help you on your personal and professional journey to greatness. Qualified in Counselling, Clinical Hypnotherapy, NLP Training, Business Coaching and Best Selling Author.

Mirella DeBoni
Hi there,
I'm Mirella

Look, you’re on this page for a reason and I’m here to help.

The thing is, creating change in your life, relationship or business can be by choice or by consequence…

Regardless, I have only 1 goal in mind – to help you through it as easily as possible and give you the tools and strategies so you can live your best life!


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