Is your Best Friends Marriage Better Than Yours?

Friend jealous of her friends marriage

Are You Jealous Of Your Best Friend’s Marriage?

If people were really honest about their marriage with their friends and were able to open and share their experiences of failures and successes then we would all feel a little more “normal”. We would be able to express our fear and our concerns in a safe environment with the support of people we trust.

When things are not going well in our relationships we begin to question the quality of our relationship, we question our partner and the longevity of the relationship.

Is your best friends marriage better than yours?

When we look at our friend’s relationships we can only assume what their relationship is like. We may see only the good things that our friends are experiencing, we may notice the positive communication between the couple, we may notice the quality time they spend together or the gifts shared between them or displays of affection. Just because we notice these things in our friend’s relationships it doesn’t mean that they are happy 100% of the time.

It doesn’t mean that they don’t argue or fight, it doesn’t mean that they are having sex every night! It means that you are seeing what you want to see. You are seeing all the things that you would like to have in your own relationship.

Witnessing these qualities in other relationships can reinforce the fact that your own relationship is lacking in any one or more of those areas that you witnessed in your friends relationship.

However, what we “see” is not always necessarily the truth. We really don’t know what people are going through in their personal relationships or what someone else is really putting up with behind closed doors in the privacy of their own home. If you are able to talk with your friends with the purpose of learning new skills to implement in your own relationship you may learn a great deal towards improving your own relationship.

If your friends have a marriage or relationship that seems to be something wonderful to you, something that you would like to have yourself, then talk to them about it. Use them as a role model.

It is a shame that people are not willing to open up and share aspects of their relationships with others. They are happy to share the good times but not willing to share the problems that they experience and how they resolved them. There is no success without failure.

We learn from experience and mistakes. We learn how to do things and how not to do things. We learn how to treat people by the response we get. By focusing on only the success in the relationships of others it may appear that they have a great marriage, great communication, commitment, affection and it may appear to be “perfect”.

By advertising this “ideal” relationship it causes others to feel inferior and to feel they have less or feel they are failing and not doing it right. What is right for some relationships is not always right for another.

Relationships are NOT:

  • Conflict free
  • Happy all the time
  • Filled with continuous orgasmic sex
  • Soul mates
  • Secure and safe all the time
  • Fun and adventurous all the time

Relationships ARE:

  • A commitment
  • Trusting your partner will love you and be there for you
  • Being able to love and be there for your partner too
  • Consistent Effort
  • Putting your partners needs first
  • Listening and talking to each other
  • Regular affection and intimacy
  • Encouraging your partner in whatever they are doing
  • Wanting to spend time together

PLUS a whole lot more.

Relationships are a work in progress and each conflict can bring more resolution and solutions to challenge. With that challenge comes more learning and personal growth.

Relationships are not meant to be perfect, they are not meant to make us happy. It is our personal responsibility to make ourselves happy – not our partners. 
It is our responsibility to make ourselves happy.

We are the only ones who can do that. We must be accountable for our life’s own successes and failures. We need to understand ourselves and share our true self with others. 
Once we become more comfortable within ourselves the more we allow are true selves to be known to others.

By allowing ourselves to have relationships with others we are choosing which self we are taking into the relationship. Depending on which choice you make, whether you take your real self into the relationship or your ideal self into the relationship, will determine your outcome, longevity and success of the relationship.

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Mirella DeBoni

Relationship Counselling Specialist, Clinical Hypnotherapist, #1 International Best Selling Author

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