Are You In A Toxic Relationship?
Relationships are supposed to be good for you. When you choose a partner you choose them based on how you feel when you’re with them, what you have in common with them and if you can see yourself having a future with them.
When relationships are starting out, in the beginning, people are on their best behavior. You see all the good things they have to offer and you base your future with them on this behavior.
Almost all relationships start out being really good or they wouldn’t continue. Some couples struggle with communication, finances or making decisions together and other’s create a toxic relationship.
If you’re in a toxic relationship, you already have your doubts if it will last but you’re hanging in there and you’re questioning what criteria would prove it was toxic. Basically, you’re looking for a set of criteria to tell you what your mind already knows but your heart is taking time to catch-up to reach the same conclusion.
If you’re looking for a set of criteria to determine if you’re in a toxic relationship, here it is:
9 Ways To Know Without A Doubt You’re In A Toxic Relationship:
You’re Walking On Eggshells
If you’re being careful of everything you say it will feel like you’re walking on eggshells. When you’re walking on eggshells it means you have to be on your guard all the time. It’s exhausting but if you don’t, you risk your partner losing their shit so the effort is well worth the peace.
They can explode when you least expect it and they don’t care who is around to hear them. It makes you feel uncomfortable and on edge. You will startle easily and feel anxious when they are around, especially if you are with people you really like. You fear what they will say and what other people will think.
You Have A List of People You Can’t Talk To Anymore
When you’re relationship is toxic you’ll find that there are certain people your partner doesn’t like. Generally, it’s anyone who has a close connection to you. They will find a reason why they don’t trust them or like them. If they can’t find a reason they will create a conflict with them, all in the efforts of sabotaging your friendships.
You either stop talking with your friend out of embarrassment or fear your partner will make things even worse. You will find it easier to distance yourself from your friends to keep the peace. Inside, you’ll feel miserable, lonely and cut off from the real world.
You’re Careful About What Clothes You Wear
If you look back over the years you’ll notice that you don’t wear certain clothes anymore. If your partner feels insecure they will make you feel like you’re wearing clothes for an ulterior motive, if you’re wearing perfume or aftershave it has a hidden meaning.
It means it’s easier not to dress the way you want to put too much effort into your appearance because the questioning, accusing, and disapproval from your partner isn’t worth the trouble. You’re living with a control freak that can literally tell you what to do and you’ll do it. They can be so good at controlling you, they can even get a result by giving you a look.
You’re Always Apologizing
You’ve turned into a Hall Mark Card coming up with new and inventive ways to apologize for things that you didn’t even realize that you’ve done. You need to apologize to stop the conflict. Basically, you need to admit that whatever your partner thinks you did or said, they were totally right and you were totally wrong.
The only way you know you’ve done something wrong is because they’re giving you the silent treatment. They punish you with silence and withdraw any attention or affection. What they want is for you to read their mind and just know what you’ve done wrong. If they overreact and they know you haven’t done anything wrong they will not admit it and they will not apologize.
In fact, you’ll be lucky if they accept your apology because they will throw back you every other time you’ve done something wrong in the past. This is a toxic relationship and seriously, you can’t apologize enough to satisfy this person.
You Can’t Do Anything Right
This is why you have to keep apologizing! Your partner has a set way of how things should be done. They know how to clean the house, they know how to cook, how to discipline kids, how do the finances and the list goes on. Lucky You! You’re living with a damn expert on EVERYTHING!
When your partner has a set standard it means no matter how you clean the house or cook the steak you are always doing it the wrong way. Your partner is a perfectionist, which means their standards are so high you really don’t have any hope in hell of meeting them. This leads you to constantly doubt yourself and your abilities and makes you feel like you’re useless.
You Constantly Feel Like You’re Not Good Enough
When you’re living with someone who is always right, you’re walking on eggshells making sure you don’t say the wrong thing. You need to be careful about what you wear or the friendships you have, and you end up feeling like you’re not good enough.
No matter how hard you try to do the right thing by your partner all they notice is what you did wrong or what you didn’t do at all. Your partner is always criticizing what you do and putting you down. The constant look for approval drains any sort of self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-respect you had built up over the years. When you don’t feel good enough you stop trying and give in to the fact that “what’s the point, it’s never good enough”.
Every Occasion Turns Into A Bad Memory
When there’s a special event coming up you know there will be trouble. You know that your partner will cause some kind of shit so they can throw back at you “I’m not going to X”. They will create enough conflict that in the end you don’t want to go either. This event would be something you were really excited about and something that has a lot of meaning for you.
It could be a best friends birthday party, Christmas function or even an intimate dinner with your family. Even if you do end up going to the event, you’ll feel down on the inside and need to fake your happiness or hide your crying eyes. Either way, what could have been an awesome time together and a beautiful memory to draw back on later become a scar that everyone wants desperately to forget.
You Feel Like You’re Married to The School Bully
If you feel like you’re being bullied it means your partner is dominant, uses intimidation and loves a good power trip. A bully intentionally tries to make you feel like crap. They will make sarcastic jokes about you – in front of other people and thinks it’s hilarious. They will try and make you look stupid in front of other people. They will call you horrible names and threaten you verbally and sometimes physically.
Physical violence is a deal breaker – no excuses. The bully isn’t always obvious either. They can just slowly wear you down over time. You’ll feel depressed, anxious and won’t even make the connection that your relationships causing the problem because you’re too busy focusing on not being good enough to believe that it could be anything other than you causing yourself to feel like crap.
It’s All About Them
Ahhhh, the joys of living with a Narcissist! If you’re in a relationship with a person who lies about their achievements, lacks empathy, is envious of other people, is arrogant and carried away with their own importance you’re most likely in a relationship with a Narcissist.
They always put their needs first and make everything about them. They will manipulate anyone to get what they want including you. This is a toxic way to live because you either ignore their behavior, make excuses for them or you have to believe in the lie which is living in denial.
If you can see your partner’s personality, behavior or your reactions and feelings in the above you need to stop and think about what you want in life. What’s in this relationship for you?
Too many people stay in a relationship because of the time they’ve already invested. You know what’s worse than being in a bad relationship for 10 years? Being in a bad relationship for 10 years and 1 day.
The only thing you can control or change is your own reactions. Changing your reactions doesn’t change the fact that you’re in a toxic relationship.
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