Why Being More Romantic Matters
Being romantic is a fun and creative way to show your partner you love them. At the beginning of a relationship, most people are really good at being romantic.
As time goes on, people slow down and get comfortable and then the romance can take a back seat.
It’s sad that people forget to show that they care. Being romantic is a chance to show your partner they’re special to you and that you’ve been thinking of them.
If you’re not romantic or your partner isn’t romantic it doesn’t mean they don’t love you, they just show it in other ways.
Relationships turn ugly when people feel they are not loved and they’re no longer special. When a person feels unloved it triggers all sorts of negative emotions like jealousy, resentment, self-doubt, insecurities, anger, and sadness.
All these built-up emotions need to come out at some point and when they do come out it’s usually in an uncontrolled way.
The problem is even when these emotions rear their ugly head they don’t address the problem.
Most people feel too vulnerable to say, “I don’t feel loved.” Instead, they will pick little arguments until they become big arguments and no one really knows why all hell is breaking loose over the toilet roll not being replaced.
If you’re in a relationship then you want to make sure it’s as good as it can be and the only way you can make sure of that is by putting the time and effort into making it awesome.
This is where being romantic makes it easy for you.
The truth is men and women want different things when it comes to being romantic. You need to know what your partner needs from you and what they consider is romantic.
How to Get Romance Right
I hear many people ask their wives friend or family for gift ideas because she might have told them.
Don’t look for clues outside of your partner. She has all the answers and it’s more about how well you know her rather than the gift or act of romance itself.
Taking the time to get to know someone and to continue to learn more about them as your relationship grows is invaluable.
You can’t put a price to it and not everyone has this quality in their relationship. Not everyone takes the time or interest to get to know their partner and especially the little things that bring them pleasure.
How well do you know your partner? Eg. Flowers. Don’t go with the general rule of thumb that flowers always work.
If you know your partner you will know when it comes to flowers you need to get the biggest bunch, you have to send it to work so everyone else sees it, just buy one because she will only think of the waste of money or she will only find it romantic if you pick them from your garden.
Romance for your partner might be practical gifts, romantic gifts, no gifts, thoughtful gifts, expensive gifts or a fist bump.
Romance is personal. To be romantic, you must be personal and do personal kinds of things.
It’s sort of romantic to buy a greeting card for your loved one with lots of loving words or a poem in it, but to be really romantic, you should add in a personal note and sign it in a special way.
Why Men Often Get Romance Wrong - Sorry Guys!
This will explain why women love romance and most men could take it or leave it:
The Definition Of Romance Is:
Romance is focusing on demonstrating your emotions of love more than focusing on your libido.
Romance is an opportunity to show someone in a creative way that you love them without an ulterior motive. Sure, if all is going well you might end up with a happy ending but it’s not the purpose of romance.
Romance is displaying your affection without a hidden agenda.
Women reject romance and romantic gestures because they think it means it needs to lead somewhere and it’s going to cost them something.
In other words, he gives her flowers and in return, she gives him sex. Romance is not about sex and shouldn’t be used as a scorecard. Like anything else in a relationship, if it’s not genuine – don’t do it.
If you know your partner, you’ll know if public displays of romance are the go or if she would only appreciate romance in private.
When you express your love for your partner it reinforces the security in your relationship and the bond you share together.
Romance can make relationships more fun and interesting. It makes you step up and put the effort in.
What is Romance then?
Romance is valuing the emotions and feelings of love for your partner over your libido.
In other words, you need to be more interested in showing your partner love and care then expecting a payoff for your efforts.
Sorry guys, but this is where you usually mess it up. Romance is not sex and even if you’re being romantic it doesn’t mean you’re going to score for your efforts.
Although, you probably have a better chance if you’re being romantic!
Here Are 6 Ways You Can Be More Romantic:
1. Create a Romantic Relationship Vision That Inspires You
- We all have an idea of what we expect our relationship to be like and when it falls short of that expectation it can crush us like a bug.
- Insecurities can fill our minds and hearts and conflict will surely occur. So what can we do about it?
- We can start by identifying what your ideal relationship is like, visualize it and verbalize it.
- The secret here is to write down your relationship vision and get it out of our mind and into the open where it actually has a chance of surviving.
- Then you need to talk about it with your partner and finally, you need to align your vision with your partner’s relationship vision.
- Now you will have a relationship vision blueprint to follow to create and experience the relationship you are both wanting.
2. Find a reason to fall in love with your partner again
Did you know sometimes we forget to love our partner? We get busy and we have so many things on our minds that we get distracted.
We begin to look at all the things in our partner that are annoying, disappointing or frustrating.
So what happens is, we focus on the negatives and it’s easy to keep finding more negativity. The secret here is to start looking for the reasons you fell in love with your partner in the first place.
All those reasons are still there – you just need to look for them. The more you look for them the more you will find.
You can bring out the best in your partner so do more of that.
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3. Create Romantic Dreams & Goals To Achieve
When we focus on the negatives, we stop communicating. We start off by leaving out little things that happened in our day.
t then extends into not sharing your intimate feelings and thoughts or dreams and desires.
We start to look to our friends or family and confide in them instead of our partner. The more we turn to someone else for support either emotional, physical or financial, the less we turn to our partners.
The secret here is open and honest communication. Talk to your partner about your day, your feelings, your thoughts, and your dreams so you are building a deeper connection with them.
Create goals that you can work towards together. Find ways to be a team and achieve results that have importance and meaning to you as a couple.
Goals and dreams can range from going to the gym together with the aim of getting fitter, changing the way you eat and cooking meals together with the aim of getting healthier or starting a joint savings account to save for a new car together.
The goal isn’t as important as sharing your ideas, thoughts, planning it out and working towards it as a team.
4. Romantic Variety
We all have different needs when it comes to love. We don’t all feel loved in the same way, we don’t show our love in the same way and we don’t all understand love in the same way.
There are many different ways a person feels and recognizes love including, through gifts, through intimacy and affection, through spending quality time together, by being emotionally supportive or by doing specific things like cleaning the house etc.
The secret here is to find out what makes your partner feel love so that you can do more of that to meet their needs.
You also need to recognize and share with your partner what makes you feel loved too. The great news is you don’t have to guess you can just ask your partner “How do I make you feel loved.” Your partner has all the answers.
5. Romantic Quality Time
Quality time is the glue that keeps the relationship together. The more time you spend together the better your chances are of creating intimacy, trust and a deeper connection.
The secret to spending quality time is to talk to your partner and come up with a list of things that you would like to do together.
Somethings should be for fun but you do need to prioritise special romantic time and experiences too.
The list should include things that you both enjoy doing. You can write the list out and keep it on the fridge as a quick reference.
If you have children this is not an excuse. We all have 24 hours in the day and how we use them is up to us.
If you have children then you either get a babysitter or you have to be super creative and opportunistic on how and when you can get this time together.
Being with your children 24/7 does not make you a better parent. You’re not sacrificing your time with them to go out on the town.
You’re choosing to focus on the foundation of the family and yes you and your partner are their foundation.
You need to take time out and recharge it will make you a better parent and a better partner. Going out a Big score you can’t rely just on that because it does take a lot of planning.
Go for the smaller opportunities. They are often the best and most doable.
6. Building a Romantic Connection
Creating a romantic connection is through communication. Talking and more importantly listening to your partner. Really Listening.
You need to learn how to be in sync with your partner to really create a bond between you where you feel mutual trust, interest and intimacy.
Show your partner you’re listening to them through eye contact. Look deeply into their eyes so they know they have your full attention.
Ask them questions to keep them talking and allow them to go deeper into conversation with you. Ask open-ended questions to get them to dominate the conversation. (ask them questions that don’t allow for a yes or no answer).
Next you can move onto building a deeper connection through body language so it feels natural.
Conclusion
There are so many ways you can add romance into your relationship. The more effort you put in the more loved your partner will feel. Romance can make relationships more fun and interesting.
If you’re in a relationship you want to make it the best you can possibly have. You want to be the one who makes your partner feel loved and special.
The quality of your relationship will determine the quality of your life. Think about that for a bit.
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