5 Signs of a Good Sex Life
Couples are often curious about their sex life and how it compares to the sex life of other couples. “How much sex is normal in a relationship?” It’s a questions that comes up often in couples counselling sessions.
To be honest, you can determine on your own, if your sex life is good, happy, and satisfying. With that said, there are some common signs that you may want to look for.
One of the biggest issues with a good sex life in your relationship is having a matching sex drive. There is often an imbalance where one person wants it more than the other. If that sounds like you, you can learn how to increase your sex drive that will make the biggest difference to you and your relationship.
Below are 5 Signs of a Good Sex Life
1. You Have a Strong Relationship
Couples who have a strong relationship are good at communicating with each other. They’re able to let their partners know when something is bothering them. They are both fully committed to the relationship.
They spend time together because they want to spend time together not because they have to.
Couples with a good sex life have realistic expectations of their partner and are accountable for their own happiness. They work on bringing things to the relationship instead of expecting things from the relationship.
A couple with a good sex life have built a deep connection in their relationship.
2. A Good Sex Life Means Experimentation in the Bedroom
Experimenting in the bedroom is another sign that you may have a good sex life. Of course, this doesn’t mean that you and your partner have to become the next big adult movie stars, or swing naked from a chandelier but experimentation can improve your sex life significantly.
It’s also important to remember that experimentation comes in a number of different ways. It can be something as simple as having sex at a different time of the day, in a different part of the house, or extended foreplay sessions.
Don’t go scaring the shit out of your partner with this one. Give them a heads up if you’re going to start mixing things up.
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3. Sex is Given Wholeheartedly
In many relationships, especially long-term relationships, sex can be seen as a chore. This isn’t how it should be. Sex should be something that you and your partner want, not a responsibility that needs to be fulfilled or a scoreboard you need to keep track of.
When you have sex because you want to, as opposed to because you feel like you have to then it’s going to make all the difference. If you’re doing it because you have to, you’re going to feel resentful and your partner is not stupid. They know when you’re into it and when you’re not.
And yes, it doesn’t usually stop them but it does make it less enjoyable for them. Which I guess is the goal if you don’t want to be doing it in the first place. So if you do it and make it unpleasant it’s really not going anyone any good.
I had a client once say she would roll over and start reading a book until he was “done.” Akward.
4. Sex is Part of the Norm in Your Relationship
It’s no secret that having an active life takes an effort. When you’re raising a family, working, taking care of the house etc, sex can often take a back seat. It’s easy to see how it becomes another task on the “to do list.”
A couple with a good sex life doesn’t let the day to day responsibilities get in the way of having sex. Regardless of how busy you are, if you still find time to have sex with your partner you’re going to have a good sex life.
Everyone has 24 hours in the day. How we choose to spend them comes down to how we prioritise what’s most important. You need to make time for your sex life because it can fade away pretty quickly.
I see couples who say they haven’t had sex for 2-3 years because they jut “busy.” They are starting from zero and they feel awkward. The truth is they learned to live without it but they feel the disconnect that comes with a relationship without sex.
And yes you can argue the fact that you can still be happy without having sex but let me tell you this, when it comes to a relationship, there is a different between a couple who has sex and intimacy and a couple who are a “good team.”
The level of happiness that comes with each depends on your personal needs and the needs of your partner. Even if you’re happy without sex doesn’t mean it’s working for your partner.
5. Sex is more than Just an Act
Contrary to what most people believe, sex is more than just having intercourse. An important component of having a good sex life is the intimacy and affection.
Things as simple as holding hands or giving a relaxing massage, Love notes, kind gestures, and doing something that your partner may not expect on a daily basis are all easy ways to keep your partner interested in you, both emotionally and physically.
Being romantic in your relationship is another way to communicate with your partner in a way that you just don’t do with anyone else. It’s creates a deeper bond and nicer way to show your partner you love them.
You have a good sex life when the romance happens in between sex.
So, do you have a good sex life? If the above signs describe your relationship with your partner, there’s a good chance that you do. Well done. Keep it going.
Even if you have a good sex life now, it’s important to remember that things can change. Remember that as time passes, it may be easier to let sex impact your relationship negatively.
Things will come up that’s for sure so it’s important to have a growth mindset – be flexible to change instead of a fixed mindset where you expect everything to work in one particular way.
Be honest communicating your needs with your partner, especially where sex and their needs are concerned.
If you need some help improving your sex life in your relationship you can make an appointment for yourself or as a couple.