11 Reasons Why Couples Don’t Have Sex - PART ONE
Maintaining an intimate relationship with your partner is an important part of keeping the relationship vibrant and exciting.
However, no matter what the intentions may be, there are times in the relationship where your sex life may not be as good as you want it to be.
While some couple’s may decide that this is a serious problem or even a relationship deal breaker, the vast majority of couples invest in each other and work to improve their life.
This is a really big topic and this blog post ended up being way too long so I’ve broken it up into to parts. Read Part 2 here.
Whilst there are many reasons why couples don’t have sex I have listed 11 most common complaints for you to consider.
1. The Relationship is Boring
Well, how the hell did this happen? How can a relationship be boring? The result of the relationship is what you’re bringing to it.
So, firstly is it boring because there’s no connection between you? Is it because you don’t have things in common or don’t spend time together? Is it the communication?
If your relationship is boring you need to start creating some new experiences together. If you can afford time away from the house, kids and your busy schedules try a romantic get-away even just for an evening.
Plan a dinner at a favourite restaurant, a night at a movie, dancing or just walking along a sunset beach and then plan a night away at a local hotel. You don’t have to go far; just a change from the house is all it takes to jump start everyone’s love life.
2. He/She isn't interested in sex anymore
If that’s the case you need to start somewhere. So start at the beginning. You’ve really got nothing to lose right?
Start with flirting. Flirting by sending signals is really the low-tech version of the skill. Those loving, desire filled glances, blowing kisses, dressing in a desirable and sexy way are all low-tech ways to flirt with your spouse or partner.
Remember that flirting can include conversation, brief physical contact of an intimate nature or by your body language.
There are many ways in which women, in particular, can send suggestive messages just by their body posture and position.
For example, touching the hair, face and throat is seen as a flirting type of gesture as it draw’s the eye towards the location of contact. Giggling and smiling can also be very flirtatious and men are often very clear in sending messages with both their smiles and their tone of voice.
New technology has opened up the door for a whole new type of flirting. Texting, chat messages and emails can send a clear message, but I think there’s a fine line between flirty messages and being creepy.
So yeah, no dick picks. In fact, I haven’t met a woman yet who’s wants a dick pick.
3. We only have sex on special occasions
This usually comes down to expectations. There are certain dates that trigger a “celebration night” like a birthday, Father’s Day, Anniversary. They are dates we remember to show our partner we love them and what better way than with sex.
The reason the special occasions happen is because there is no real pressure or fear of rejection it’s like an unsaid rule. Sex will happen on those dates. So all you need to do now it change the expectation and add a few more dates in.
I don’t actually mean scheduling it in on a calendar. I mean start sending out the signals that you want it. Signals that you’re interest in it.
Sending signals is perhaps one of the oldest and most instinctual things that humans do, but you can also make them very intentional but yet still subtle, perfect for creating both a bit of mystery and anticipation.
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Some signals that will definitely get the message across of your desire for a sexual evening together include:
- Pampering your partner with a favourite meal or food item
- Suggesting a meeting at a favourite lounge or restaurant has a romantic atmosphere
- A long, romantic kiss before going off to work or when getting home
- Dressing sexy
- A visit to their work or office just to say that you can't wait for them to get home
- Paying extra attention to your physical appearance
- Long, sexual glances
Giving off as many signals to your plans for intimacy as possible is important. This both cues your partner as well as helps you to stay intense in your desire.
4. Having a family is just too tiring to have a good sex life
You may find you fall into bed at night exhausted from a day at the office or looking after the kids and forget to notice that “come hither” look in your partner’s eye. Or perhaps even worse, you notice it but pretend not to since you are tired or really not in the mood yourself.
Over time this gradually leads to both a physical and emotional distance between you. This doesn’t mean you can’t say no every now and then, but it does mean that you need to find ways to connect emotionally so you will look forward to connecting sexually.
The atmosphere or the environment can be important in sending a message to your partner that you are in the mood. For some couples a house full of kid’s toys, barking dogs or piles of work to do is simply a mood breaker.
While you may not be able to totally remove all these obstacles to a romantic interlude you certainly can minimize their impact.
Setting a romantic tone for the evening, afternoon or whenever you find time to enjoy each other’s company doesn’t have to be elaborate or stressful. Instead look for ways to make your home more relaxing, seductive and private, a sure way to provide just the atmosphere you need.
5. Couples Our Age Don't Have Sex
I’ll just call BULLSHIT on that one and leave it there, shall I?
6. I want to try spicing things up but he/she has said no in the past
Talking with your partner or spouse about what they enjoy in sex and what they have always been curious about but haven’t tried yet is an important first step.
When you approached it in the past there’s a good chance you didn’t open the lines of communication first. You might have jumped straight in with what you want. Your partner might have felt embarrassed or felt guilty that they weren’t satisfying you.
So you need to start with honest and open communication. These conversations trigger people for all different reasons but generally it’s the “I’m not good enough” button that gets pressed. Then a person shuts down and everyone feels like shit.
It may be difficult to get the conversation started but you will be able to get a clearer picture of what you want and what they want, as well as any fantasy sexual desires you may have.
This can be a bit awkward for you both at first, but with practice and an improvement in your sex life it will become a part of your intimate
Conclusion - Kind of (This is a 2 part blog)
I’m not at the end of this blog post. You will need to click here to read part 2 of why couples don’t have sex.
What I do want to say is that sex is important in a relationship. Yes it’s one of the famous love languages. For some people they get everything they need out of sex – quality time, affection, reassurance, security, self-esteem and pleasure.
In my opinion it’s the ONE thing that we don’t do with anyone else. It’s reserved for our partner. It’s one thing that makes us a couple and separates us from being flat mates living together and paying the bills.
If you struggle with a low sex drive you should check out the Increase Your Sex Drive Program.
