Just Because Your Partner Is Being An Arsehole It Doesn’t Mean He has A Mental Illness!

 

married couple couple fighting doesn't mean it's mental illness

When You And Your Partner Can’t Get Along

When people are struggling in their relationship and they are experiencing too much conflict things can start to get really nasty.

When it gets nasty some people will seek comfort from their friends. They will have a big bitch about their partner and feel good after it. After all, they are talking with a friend who supports them, it was said in private and your mate agreed with you!

Other people will really run their partners down. It becomes personal. They call them horrible names and usually don’t care who they are telling. It’s plain ugly and disrespectful.

My favorite is the innocent ones who have “never done anything wrong” and they just “can’t understand why their partner is such an arsehole?” Until it occurs to them, “he/she must be Bi Polar”.

Ahhhh yes. You must be right! Your partner is mentally ill because they are being an arsehole to you. (insert big sigh!!)

It takes more than being an arsehole to have a mental illness.

Let’s Get Clear On A Few Things:

1. Just because your partner has bad moods it doesn’t mean they have bipolar disorder.

2. If your partner gets pissed off with you and overreacts, it doesn’t mean they are schizophrenic.

3. Being an arsehole is a not a mental illness – its a choice and it can be a reactive behavior.

When you talk about your partner in a negative way, its soul destroying for both of you. On a personal level it’s damaging and for the relationship, it’s a killer. Name-calling is poison and will kill loving feelings quickly.

Once name-calling starts, it means your care factor has gone out the window. When you allow yourself the freedom to express all the horrible things you are capable of saying, it will take your relationship to a dead end.

It’s like the very first time you drank alcohol. The first time, you can start feeling the impact of the alcohol after 1 or 2 drinks. As time goes on, you need to drink more to get the same effect.

It’s the same with name-calling in a relationship. Once you’ve said hurtful words for the first time, you need to say more the next time to feel satisfied you have hurt your partner more than they have hurt you. It’s a sad game of payback and people get addicted to the power their words have on their partner. That’s where dysfunction begins and continues to grow.

Bringing mental illness into it as a new tactic is down right dirty. It’s really hitting below the belt and disrespectful to people who suffer with mental disorders.

I often hear people say “I’m sure he must have bi polar” Or, “she must be schizo” when their partner is treating them badly.

Seriously, they will walk into my counselling office with something they’ve paper printed from the computer to prove to me that their partner has a mental illness.

If you’re not getting what you want in your relationship then you need to work out why your not getting it. You need to work out exactly what you want and communicate with your partner.

It doesn’t matter how many people you bitch to or how many nasty things you say about your partner. It doesn’t change the fact that what you want in your relationship can only come from them. So it makes sense to talk to them about it doesn’t it?

Relationships turn to shit when people start to point the finger, call names and put their partner down to their friends.

It takes more than a bad attitude to have a mental disorder so instead of labeling your partner with a mental illness or calling them horrible names, why not look at why they are acting like they do and talk to them about it?

It’s NOT ok for your partner to be or act like an arsehole but it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re innocent either. It always takes two to have a relationship problem.

Bitching about your partner to your friends just makes you the arsehole and you don’t have a mental illness right?

Finally, if you believe your partner does have a mental illness, you need to do something constructive to help them like booking in to see a doctor.

Book An Appointment

 

Share this!

Mirella DeBoni

Relationship Counselling Specialist, Clinical Hypnotherapist,
#1 International Best Selling Author

Comments are closed