Are You Staying Together For The Children?
You’re married. You’re unhappy. But, you can’t leave because you don’t want to do it to your kids.
You would rather stay in the marriage, feeling unhappy, unloved and unsatisfied rather than taking the leap to leave the marriage. And you tell yourself you will only stay until the children leave home. Seriously, who do you think you’re kidding?
You’re staying together in the marriage because you’re too scared to:
- Move forward.
- Break up the family
- Being the bad guy
- Scared for your future
- You’re scared how your children will cope
- And your scared for your future
All of those things are real and true. If you weren’t scared of those things you wouldn’t be human.
Staying together and being unhappy or arguing all the time isn’t helping your children. Do you
really think your kids don’t know or understand that you aren’t happy?
People don’t give kids enough credit because:
- You may argue in private
- Be nice in front of the kids
- Spend time together as a family
But do not for one minute think your kids don’t know when you are not happy. Even when children are newborn the first thing a mother is told is not to be stressed when breastfeeding the child. The child picks up on the mother’s feelings.
This is a newborn baby, not a child who can understand things and see what is going on in their own home. If a newborn baby can pick the feelings or vibes do you think an older child can’t do the same? Only 7% of our communication is verbal. The rest is made up from body language and tone of voice.
Arguing in front of your children is not a bad thing
Arguing in front of your children is not a bad thing. As long as you are not being abused or violent and as long as you balance it out with showing them you can work through issues too.
Even if you talk to them afterward and explain how you worked things out, kids get the opportunity to learn that even if people argue or fight, they can still love each other and they can resolve their problems.
When children miss out on this very important relationship and life lesson it can really impair their relationship skills for their future.
Staying together for the sake of your children is not doing anyone any favours. Your children want to see you happy. Yes they want their family to stay together but not at the expense of the unhappiness that permeates everything and everyone in the house.
Change is hard. We all resist change. But is the same old- same old what you want for the rest of your life?
If you are unhappy in your marriage you can get some help (marriage counselling) and learn what you need to do to make your marriage fulfilling or you can leave your marriage.
There is not much in-between except hurt, loneliness and unhappiness.
Everything in life has an expiry date.
Just because a relationship ends it doesn’t last forever it doesn’t mean someone has to be the bad guy. It means something has ended.
Relationships end for many reasons, sometimes:
- You grow apart
- You change in different ways
- You want different things
- You fall out of love
- You have nothing in common today
None of those reasons means someone is the bad guy. Think about where you are and what you want. What is the best solution that is best for everyone involved?
Staying together to make the kids feel secure doesn’t work. You can’t hide your unhappiness – even if you think you can.