Sex And Intimacy In A Relationship

Married couple sex and intimacy connection

 

Sex and Intimacy How Often Is Normal?

 
In relationships it really helps for people to have matching libido’s. Having a matching libido means the partners sex drives are matched equally.  For most couples this isn’t the case.  Usually one person has a higher sex drive than the other. One person may want sex and intimacy once a week and the other partner might want sex and intimacy 3 times a day. 

 

A mismatched libido can cause huge resentment in a relationship. One partner feels neglected because they aren’t getting as much sex as they need. The other partner feels resentful because they are giving more sex than they feel comfortable giving.

 

Resolving this issues means you need to have a lot of patience. It comes down to the old “c” word – compromise. How many times a week is normal for couples to have sex in a relationship? 

 

Most surveys seem to vary in the results. Some will show results being once a week being average and others will say once a fortnight. Surveys can also show 3-4 or 5 times a week is normal. The most important and accurate answer is what works for you as a couple.

 

You can’t compare your sex life in your relationship with others to decide if you’re getting enough.  It doesn’t make sense.  There are too many variables to consider to be able to reach a general consensus and how many times it’s normal to have sex in a week.

 

There are outside influences that affect a couples sex drive and sexual life:
 

  • Having young children
  • Stress levels
  • Careers
  • Financial pressures
  • Hormones
  • Communication in a relationship
  • The bond and connection between you and your partner
  • How you show your partner you love them and vice versa
  • If you and your partner want to make each other happy (seriously, some people don’t want to make their partner happy)
  • Time factors
  • Opportunities
  • Health issues
  • Libido’s

 
If you have a low sex drive there are other ways to please your partner and show them you love and care for them. This is a conversation you need to have with your partner so you can get the right answers and not someone else’s opinion. 

 

Author of Where Did My Libido Go, Dr Rosie King states that essential nature of sexual desire fluctuates depending on your physical and emotional well-being and what’s going on in your life.

 

There are many influences affecting a person’s libido and sex drive. They include physical, emotional, environmental, relationship, sexual and lifestyle elements.

 

Some Influences Factors Impacting Sex and Intimacy:

 
• Fatigue
• Pain
• Medications
• Hormonal disturbance
• Stress and anxiety
• Low self esteem
• Negative emotions including sadness, anger, fear, hurt, guilt
• Loss of love in the relationship
• Unresolved issues
• Resentment for past hurt
• Jealousy
• Infidelity
• Lack of communication
• Lack of affection
• Low attraction to your partner
• Inadequate foreplay
• Being the one to initiate sex
• Inadequate technique
• Sexual dysfunction
• Boredom
• Distractions
 

Do You Need to Have Sex and Intimacy in A Relationship? 

 
I believe that sex defines you as couple because sex is intimate, special and connection you should only have with your partner if you are married or in a serious relationship.  How do you separate a friendship from a relationship? Communication, quality time, attraction, interest in the other person are important but so is sex.

 

Sex isn’t the most important thing in a relationship but it’s up with in the top 3 category and it should be.  Sex and intimacy allows you to be vulnerable, express yourself and feel a soul level connection with the most special person in your life.

 

How To Increase Your Chances Of Being In The Mood For Sex and Intimacy

 
There is obviously a huge amount of issues listed that can effect your libido so what can you do about it?

 

Some of those influencing factors are not your responsibility however there are some things you can do to ensure you are doing the best you can and maximize your desire for having sex.
 
• Feeling good about yourself on the inside and outside.
• Being physically fit and healthy and well rested
• Feeling emotionally balanced and relaxed as much as possible
• Being attracted to your partner
• Good communication in the relationship is essential to talk about issues and build on the friendship
• Equality in the relationship, no power struggles
• Make your relationship fun and enjoy each others company
• Make lots of time for quality one on one time
• Have lots of variety and spontaneity in initiating sex
• Having your needs, wants and desires communicated and met
• Be Romantic
• Be Affectionate
• Be supportive in and around the house
• Dressing for the occasion
• Putting some effort into self care and personal hygiene
• Reduce alcohol and drug intake
• It also comes down to your values and boundaries, unconditional love, pleasing without expectations and respecting your partner.
 

Find out what sex and intimacy means to your partner. Find out what their sexual needs are and what the alternatives are if you’re not up for it or into it. I’m sure they’ll give you plenty of ideas!

 

It’s very important to understand that you DO NOT have to do anything you can’t do with all your heart. Be honest because your partner will know it and feel it, which causes resentment and low self esteem which is really going away from the goal of building intimacy. Do it with a smile and love in your heart or don’t do it.

 

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Mirella DeBoni

Relationship Counselling Specialist, Clinical Hypnotherapist,
#1 International Best Selling Author

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