Romance What Men & Women Really Want

 

Couple - romance sleeping in

 

What is Romance?

 
Romance – this word reminds me of the old Mills & Boon books my mum used to read. You know the kind where the man rides on a horse and saves the woman in distress and they live happily ever after.

 

Well, unfortunately, relationships are not always like that and as for the happily ever after, most people have to work their arses off to achieve relationship bliss.

 

The problem with the Mills & Boon books is, they don’t mention family commitments, careers, study pressures, financial commitments, health issues, economic issues, in laws, friends, children, renovations etc. They don’t mention much at all about the actual relationship because the relationship as a whole isn’t considered romantic. Relationships take effort and romance is just one part of the effort it takes to make a relationship amazing.

 

So, what is Romance and what does it mean? The meaning of romance is an emotional attachment between people. When the chemicals in your brain kick in and you feel an emotional high, exhilaration and passion when you’re with your partner and you want to do things to show your partner how much you love them or that you’ve been thinking of them.

 

Romance At It’s Best

 
Romance is usually at it’s peak right at the beginning of a relationship. It’s funny because that’s when you know the least about your partner so you’re kind of flying blindly. I think this is the most romantic thing about romance in the beginning of a relationship – people try anything and everything to show their partner they’ve been thinking of them. They’ll send flowers, write notes and arrange special meetings without over-thinking things. It’s more spontaneous.

 

As time goes on and people get comfortable or they get busy with life and they forget about the romance. And then there are the commercial dates that remind people they should show their partner they’re special – like Valentines Day. In the beginning of the relationship, people don’t need a number on a calendar to tell them they should to be romantic today, they just go with their heart.

 

Romance At It’s Worst

 
Valentines day is the least romantic day of the year in my opinion. It feels likes it a transaction. You need to do something to show your partner you’re thinking about them because it’s the 14th of February and everyone else is doing it – today. It’s not natural. Valentines day should be random days throughout the whole year. You should feel inspired to do something special for your partner because of the way you feel about them not because it’s a specific date on a calendar.

 

You may be thinking that romance is the highest thing on your list or it’s not important to you. The question is, is romance important to your partner? Romance has the ability to demonstrate your thoughts and feelings with actions instead of just words. Relationships need a variety of ways of expressing love.

 

Some people think romance is “what women want out of a relationship.” It’s not only women who like romance and romantic gestures. Men like romance too. It shouldn’t always be left to a man to add the romance into the relationship.

 

Romance For Women

 
When it comes to romance, the trick is to figure out what is romantic and what isn’t romantic for your partner. Everyone has different ideas when it comes to romance.

 

For many women, practical gifts are not romantic. If you buy her something to wash her cash with she is not going to be excited – unless your girl like’s practical gifts. If she likes practical things it means you need to look for gifts she can use or something with and preferably with a dual purpose. The more functional the gift – the better it is.

 

romance for womenIf she’s a true romantic she will love anything she can’t use. If you buy her something she can sit on her desk or in her bedroom and all she can do is look at it and relive the moment you gave it to her, you have just won the game my friend. Basically the less useful it is the more points you score. This is why flowers, teddy bears and jewellery are a big hit.

 

Gifts and romance are not to be considered lightly. Guys, if you think remembering the specific dates were the hard part then you are sorely mistaken. You see, you will be judged on your style of romance and gifts according to how well you listen and take on board the small things.

 

If you buy her a golf stick for her birthday and she doesn’t like sport at all or doesn’t even like golf – you lose. Not only did you blow the birthday gift but instead of showing her romance and love you showed her that you don’t have a clue when it comes to things she is interested in.

 

If your partner doesn’t like gifts they might think romance is better as a service. That means she thinks it’s romantic when you do the dishes or make her a cup of tea in the morning, cooking her dinner, or bringing her a cup of tea in bed.

 

These things may sound like jobs and they don’t have any value but if your partner likes services it means she feels loved and will find it very romantic for you to “do things” for her.

 

If she is a time person it means she’s all about experiences. Taking her out to a restaurant for dinner or to a cafe on a Sunday morning for breakfast or a coffee, going to the beach or away for a weekend will be very romantic for her. This is not about going to expensive places it’s about creating experiences that are loving and special.

 

She might like to hear that you love her in different ways. You can write her letters, send her texts or emails, write her a card, a poem or leave her a voice message on her phone telling her everything you love about her. Writing is romantic. You don’t need to be a writer – anything will be romantic if she needs to hear the words I Love You. If you want to using writing to be romantic, you want to go old school and hand write the note. It’s much more personal than an email or text but if that’s all you can manage it’s still a good way to be romantic.

 

Romance For Men

 
The majority of men don’t want you to buy them flowers or romance them in the way women want romance. Men are much more simple with their needs.

Romance for men includes making him feel needed, appreciated, wanted and loved. 

Men are more visual so you want to appeal to them visually. Get dressed up and go and see them at their work and bring them a coffee or something special. Let everyone else see that they are loved. The more shit their mates give them the better. It helps build their self esteem for others to see they are loved too.

 

Make them their favourite meal and put on their favourite action/sports movie.

 

Romance for menTell them how much you appreciate them and all the things you love about them.

 

Make him a promise of what’s to come that night. Give him something to think about all day. Anything to do with sex is going to make him extra happy.

 

Buy him tickets to a sports event or concert for him and a mate. Let him know it’s ok for him to have fun with his mates too.

 

Organise a camping/fishing weekend or something that he really loves doing in his spare time. Give it a shot with a smile on your face and he will love you for it.

 

Men generally equate romance with sex. Anything you do that starts or ends with sex means you have come up with the perfect romantic idea!

 

Romance – How To Get It Right For Your Partner

 

I hear many people ask their wives friend or family for gift ideas because she might have told them. Don’t look for clues outside of your partner. She has all the answers and it’s more about how well you know her rather than the gift or act of romance itself.

 

Taking the time to get to know someone and to continue to learn more about them as your relationship grows is invaluable. You can’t put a price to it and not everyone has this quality in their relationship. Not everyone take the time or interest to get to know their partner and especially the little things that bring them pleasure.

 

How well do you know your partner? Eg. Flowers. Don’t go with the general rule of thumb that flowers always work. If you know your partner you will know when it comes to flowers you need to get the biggest bunch, you have to send it to work so everyone else sees it, just buy one because she will only think of the waste of money or she will only find it romantic if you pick the from your garden.

 

Romance for your partner might be practical gifts, romantic gifts, no gifts, thoughtful gifts, expensive gifts or a fist bump.

 

Romance is personal. To be romantic, you must be personal and do personal kind of things. It’s sort of romantic to buy a greeting card for your loved one with lots of loving words or a poem in it, but to be really romantic, you should add in a personal note and sign it in a special way.

 

Why Men Often Get Romance Wrong

 
This will explain why women love romance and most men could take it or leave it:

 

The Definition Of Romance Is:

 
Romance  is focusing on demonstrating your emotions of love more than focusing on your libido.

Romance is an opportunity to show someone in a creative way that you love them without an ulterior motive. Sure, if all is going well you might end up with a happy ending but it’s not the purpose of romance. Romance is displaying your affection without a hidden agenda.
Women reject romance and romantic gestures because they think it means it needs to lead somewhere and it’s going to cost them something. In other words, he gives her flowers and in return she gives him sex. Romance is not about sex and shouldn’t be used as a score card. Like anything else in a relationship, if it’s not genuine – don’t do it.

 

If you know your partner, you’ll know if public displays of romance are the go or if she would only appreciate romance in private.  When you express your love for your partner it reinforces the security in your relationship and the bond you share together.  Romance can make relationships more fun and interesting. It makes you step up and put the effort in.

 

When romance slows down in the relationship or stops altogether that’s when the relationship feels boring, stale, the connection is lost, there’s intimacy and affection and people start to feel unloved, unwanted and unattractive. Romance isn’t about flowers and teddy bears, it’s about taking the time, putting the effort in, being creative and really wanting to make your partner feel special. 

 

If your relationship needs some help you can book an appointment online by clicking the button below:

 

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Mirella DeBoni

Relationship Counselling Specialist, Clinical Hypnotherapist, #1 International Best Selling Author

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