3 Reasons People See A Relationship Counsellor:
Reason Number One:
The majority of people who come to see me about their relationships issues are seeking advice. They are looking for solutions on how to get their relationship back on track. When they talk about their partner they are respectful and kind. Silly little things over time created conflict and caused hurt feelings. They are seeing me because they want to get back to a loving relationship.
These people are genuinely looking for answers and understanding so they can take action to get their relationship back on track. Their relationship will thrive and they will feel loved and even closer.
Reason Number Two:
There are also people who come to see me because they want to break up with their partner. They don’t know how to do it so they do the old “we need to go to counselling. We’ll just go once and if it doesn’t work then we’ll break up”. Great, no pressure for me!
Secretly they want me to point out that their relationship is not going to work and in a way, give them permission to break up. The bonus here is it’s not their fault now that they are breaking up – it’s mine. The beauty of it is, if they freak out and change their mind they can blame me and talk their way into another chance at making the relationship work.
The truth is there is always one person who wants to make it work more. There is one person more in love than the other. In relationship counselling, one person is always more emotionally invested in the outcome than the other.
Relationship counselling “works” when both people want to make their relationship work. When people are searching for answers and new ways of doing things rather than wanting to blame and bitch about each other then relationship counselling will work.
Reason Number Three:
Some people just want to be right. They want to prove to their partner that they have done the wrong thing and want to get their partner in “trouble”. They will bitch and complain about them and are not interested in hearing any other perspective or where they are possibly at fault.
Relationship counselling will not help you to be right and it will not point the blame at one person. If that’s how relationship counselling worked, who the hell would ever go to see a relationship counsellor?
There are 2 questions to ask yourself before going to see a relationship counsellor:
1. Is your relationship worth saving?
2. Are you willing to do whatever it takes to make your relationship work?
If you answer yes to both questions you are looking for solutions. Your relationship may have some scars and conflict but you know you love your partner and you just want things to be good again.
If you answer no to these questions that means you secretly want to break up. If you book to see a relationship counsellor then, you want me to be your scapegoat and you’re finding an excuse to leave. Relationship counselling will be good for you because the focus is “what’s good for the relationship” and if you already have one foot out the door then you will get the answer you are looking for.
If you answer yes and no, you more than likely just want to bitch and complain about your partner but you’re not willing to do anything about it. You want to be right. Relationship counselling is a big waste of money and time if this is what you are looking for.
It’s never one person’s problem or fault. Unless you are willing to look at your own actions and be accountable for your part in the problem, nothing will change. It takes 2 people to have a good relationship not just one. A Relationship Counsellor will not take sides. A relationship counsellor is only on the “side” of the relationship.
Before you see a relationship counsellor be clear on what it is your investing in: Answers – Permission or Blame. If you’re ready to make an appointment to see a marriage counsellor click the button below: