Woman with low self esteem

Self Esteem

How To Improve Your Self Esteem

Self esteem can be defined as a person’s ability to judge their own identity and attach a value to it.  The value that a person puts to their identity will determine the persons self esteem and self worth.

As a human being we all have the capacity to be judgmental.  Usually the harshest form of judgment is aimed towards ourselves.  This self judgment is usually distorted in its ability to fairly critique our own self worth and self value.

This allows a person to accept or reject parts of their personality rather than appreciate and accept themselves for who they are as a whole person – faults and all.  Rejecting parts of you can lead to many complications in life including relationships, friendships, health and career.

When a person’s self esteem is low it can change a person’s behavior by creating a self protection barrier of defense including anger, depression, illness, perfectionism, lying or addictions.

It also severely impacts everyday thoughts.  One sure way to improve your self esteem is to address your self talk.  Self talk can either be positive or negative and it will be determined by your self value and self worth. The critical voice inside your head can take over your thought processes and translate any ordinary event into a negative and self defeating behavior, feeling or trauma.

Most people would admit to wanting more self esteem and self confidence but really don’t know where to start.  There’s a good reason for this because self esteem is not something you can have in one second.  How can someone go from being self conscious to self confident in one second?

Self esteem is a process of building good feelings and good thoughts about you which takes time.  It takes time because you need to believe it.  You need to feel it and you need to live it. Even if you can say positive things to yourself the question is how many times do you need to hear it or feel it before you believe it?

There are certainly ways you can increase your self esteem instantly but it’s holding onto it that becomes difficult.

I believe the best way to improve your self esteem is through self acceptance.   Self acceptance is the most beautiful feeling a person can have.

  • It is about accepting yourself for who you are and believing that you do the best you can in any situation with what you know.
  • It is about knowing that you have skills and abilities in some areas and may need some improvement in other areas.
  • It is about being comfortable with where you are in life by focusing on your strengths and being genuinely happy for other people who may have more in life.
  • It’s about forgiving yourself for any past events/situations and outcomes.
  • It’s about appreciating every part of yourself – flaws and all
  • It’s about being kind to yourself
  • It’s about respecting yourself enough to have boundaries in all types of relationships

The beautiful thing about self acceptance is that you can have that right now.  All you have to do is choose.  Choose to accept yourself faults and all and focus on your strengths and work on any improvements that you may wish to make.

Here’s an exercise to help you increase your self esteem and self worth. Simply ask 5 people you interact with regularly and ask them to list what they really like about you.  It’s a very humbling experience.  You will be surprised at all the things they come up with and to take it a step further the more people you ask, you will be able to see a recurring pattern, of how people perceive you.

In business, it is always a good idea to check in with your clients and follow up regularly and ask them – why did they hire you? What did they like about working with you and what could you improve on.  Again, you will notice a pattern and you will more than likely be surprised at their answers.  What we think people get from our interactions and what they actually receive is usually 2 different things.

And here’s the bonus, you can use this information for your marketing so that you can attract more people that you love working with.

Book an appointment today, to become confident and happy again

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Mirella DeBoni

Relationship Counselling Specialist, Clinical Hypnotherapist, #1 International Best Selling Author

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