Angry man at dinner with his partner needs to control his anger

Anger Management can help you avoid all the potential losses that acting out in anger creates.  Controlling anger and learning new ways to deal with situations will change your life.

 

What Anger’s All About

 

Anger management is an essential part of life. Anger is a stimulant reaction that’s built into your nervous system and can become out of control easily and quickly.  The more severe the anger, the bigger the adrenalin rush. The adrenalin rush can make people feel powerful and can be addictive. There are many varying degrees of anger.

There Are 3 Types Of Anger:

  1. Aggressive Anger
  2. Assertive Anger
  3. Passive-Aggressive Anger

Aggressive Anger means it’s out of control and is distorted when you lash out. It hurts everyone and it’s not productive. It’s hostile, threatening, aggressive and it’s full of hatred and loathing. It has no intention of resolution and is self-destructive as well destructive to others.

 

Assertive Anger is controlled and leads to solutions. It protects a person’s boundaries and is more positive communication style. It considers the wellbeing of others and doesn’t have the deeper layered emotions tangled with it such as resentment, hostility and hatred like aggressive anger.

 

Passive Aggressive Anger is more subtle and manipulative. It’s a look someone will give you, it’s a tone of voice, it’s stubbornness. Passive aggressive people will leave you  little hints that they are pissed off but they don’t get obviously angry they kind of let you work it out for yourself that you’ve made them mad. They can be really good at hiding their anger too by smiling and being polite but if you look carefully you will see it’s not a real smile. They will hold onto their anger and hold it in.

 

The truth is, Anger says more about you than it does about other people because anger is a choice – your choice. You can choose to be angry or not. You can choose the intensity of it and you can choose how to deal with it. You can also choose to feel different, you can choose you how you respond when the world doesn’t treat you the way you want it to. You have just as much choice about how you express your anger as you do with anything else in life. You also have a choice about how much of yesterday’s anger you carry into the future and how much anger you’re likely to experience tomorrow.

 

No one is exempt from feeling anger. It can cause problems for any person. Everyone feels anger at some point in time. Maybe someone has pressed your buttons and evoked a situation from the past which you haven’t dealt with so it brings up some big emotions and erupts into anger. Maybe anger presents itself when you’re feeling inadequate, feeling lonely or lost, or when you felt you missed out on something in your life that had a real meaning or value to you.

 

Anger is a secondary emotion which means there is something else underneath that’s driving it. Learning anger management skills is empowering. It will help free you from the emotional turmoil that can easily spill over into other areas of your life including relationships, family, career, health and social life.

 

Understanding you have a choice in how you react is really important. When you realise that you’re responsible for your own actions and for your own behaviour then you have all the power in the world to do something about it. When you stop blaming other people and situations for making you feel angry and you start to look at yourself, you will realise you get to choose who can effect you and who can’t effect you. You can realise it’s up to you to choose the intensity of your feelings and it’s up to you to choose the outcome of a situation.

 

Anger doesn’t give you real power, it gives you a false sense of power. It doesn’t give you the love or respect you want it actually does the opposite. Your anger drives people away, it makes people fear you, not respect you. There are many options that can work better for you than anger. Anger management is not about being weak or giving in. It helps you slow down and react in a better way – without regret.

 

There will always be challenging situations that you’ll have to deal with and how you deal with these challenges is up to you. When you understand you play a role in every event in your life then you can do something about changing that role so you can have the outcomes you want. You can change your role so you feel good about yourself, you can become more positive and more self-confident. You can improve your relationships, your health, your career, your social life.  

 

In fact, you can change anything because you’ve just shifted the power from outside yourself to being back in control again just by being responsible for yourself.

 

Think About When You’ve Felt Angry In The Past:

  • What was the situation?
  • How did you respond?
  • What was the personal meaning of the event?
  • What was your emotional state?
  • What was the intensity of your emotion on a scale of 1-10 (10 being high)
  • Was your reaction appropriate?
  • Did it get you what you wanted?
  • What did it cost you emotionally?
  • Did it cause any difficulties in other areas of your life?

The ability to acknowledge your own feelings and behaviour is a big step forward to improving your relationships and your life.  If you don’t know what you’re doing or how you’re reacting the only way you will find out is when it has caused you to lose something valuable to you. 

 

When it’s time to make a change, you need to do it for yourself first and then everyone else in your life will benefit. You can’t change for someone else. It doesn’t work and it doesn’t last. Anger management needs to be something you choose for your own reasons.

 

Man depressedYou need to make a promise to yourself that you can and will do things differently. Make the commitment and understand that change is a process. 

 

When you make a promise you’re promising to control your anger, no matter what the circumstances or who it involves. You will be accountable for yourself from here forward. No more excuses. 

 

Anger management doesn’t mean you will never feel anger again.  So, know things will happen in life that will test your commitment to anger management. In knowing this you need to promise you’ll be willing to:

  • Learn new skills
  • Listen to others
  • Compromise
  • Make the necessary changes within yourself to change your emotions
  • Be more patient
  • Be more forgiving
  • You will be easier to work with, easier to talk with and easier to love

 

When you’re committing to anger management, you’re committing to becoming fully responsible for your actions and your outcomes. You’re committing to finding new solutions. You will prove to yourself and to everyone else that you’re a good person who is willing to change for the good of everyone in your life. 

 

There’s support available to you to help you learn new coping skills. You need to get the help you need and empower yourself with the ability to resolve conflicts and defuse situations and to ultimately keep your cool.

 

When you look back on past situations and how you reacted you need to acknowledge there’s a better way to do in the future. There are no more answers for you in going back to past behaviour. When you commit to change, you need to do it with all your heart to learn and implement a new way of thinking and behaving so you can manage anger. You can start by looking at the health of your anger.

 

Is Your Anger Healthy or Unhealthy?

 

Healthy Emotions:

  • Are the states encourage and support a good outcome that is fair and considers the needs of each person involved.
  • Lead to constructive behaviours and good consequences.
  • Increase self-esteem and interpersonal relationships.

 

Unhealthy Emotions:

  • Negative feelings that are exaggerated and cause secondary problems.
  • Increase destructive behaviour and increase self-sabotage and they increase in intensity.
  • Create and contribute to issues in other areas of your life.

 

It ‘s not the emotions that cause the problem. It’s the way you deal with emotions that cause consequences, side effects and secondary issues. What’s most important to learn here is not so much about how to stop anger from occurring because as long as you live and breathe there will likely to be situations in your life that can cause you to feel anger.

 

What you need to focus on is how to detach from the emotion long enough to learn from the situation. It’s the learning that will allow the anger to change or disappear completely. It’s learning from situations that will allow you to change your perspective, change your thoughts, change your attitude, change your approach and change your outcome.

 

When you’re angry it doesn’t mean you are trying to upset someone or push someone around. When you’re doing something in a way that other’s are recognising as anger, out of control or overreactive it’s likely your intentions are not matching your behaviour.

 

What Are You Trying to Achieve With Your Anger?

 

Intention vs Behaviour

 

An intention is something you are aiming for, it’s an objective you’re trying to accomplish.  In regards to behaviour, we focus on intention. Because behind every behaviour is an intention trying to get a result. The intention is generally good. It’s the way the you’re going about achieving the intention that isn’t good.

 

For example, a boyfriend and girlfriend are at a nightclub having a great time. The boy goes to by them a drink and when he gets back he sees another guy hitting on his girlfriend. He sees his girlfriend looking uncomfortable. The boyfriend gets really pissed off and starts verbally abusing the guy and tells him to ###!

 

Let’s take it a step further and say it escalates into a fight and he punches him.

 

What’s the boyfriends real intention? He was trying to protect his girlfriend and look after her.  So, the intention, in this case, was to protect and look after the girlfriend but it could have been perceived he was a jealous person too. His behaviour produced a result that also cost him something too right?

 

Think about how the girlfriend perspective in that situation:

  • How is the girlfriend feeling at this point?
  • Is she scared of him and the anger?
  • Does she feel comfortable going out to the nightclub again with him?
  • Is he banned from the nightclub?
  • Did they call the Police?
  • Does he get charged with assault?
  • Does he injure his hand?
  • What about his reputation.
  • What did his behaviour really cost him?

 

The intention was fine but the behaviour to carry out his intention was the problem. If the boyfriend assessed the same situation without the emotional reaction, what could he do differently to achieve the result of protecting his girlfriend, without the cost response?

Anger occurs in 3 ways – yesterday, today and tomorrow.

 

There Are Many Causes Of Anger Including:

 

Nature – vs – Nurture.  Nature is what you are born with and how you are genetically made up and nurture is how you are raised and what you have learnt. If you parents or family members have aggressive personalities, chances are you will inherit similar behaviour genetically.

 

If you are born into a family and are shown aggression and anger you will learn how to do it too and it will become part of your own behaviour. When anger is created through childhood and you’ve learnt from your family how to react with anger, you will find your family will cover for you. They will describe you as  “passionate”. There is a big difference between being passionate and angry!

 

Your Expectations in life

 

When you really want something in life and the world didn’t deliver what you believed you were entitled to can cause anger and aggression.  If you set your expectations too high, you can get let down easily so make sure your expectations are separate your goals.  

 

When you expect something you have placed the power of the outcome outside of your control and you have to wait to see if you will get what you expect. This is a sure way to create feelings of anger. And feelings of entitlement are not attractive.

 

Reacting to another hidden emotion.  What if anger wasn’t the real emotion and it was just a reaction to another emotion?  Underneath the feeling of anger is usually sadness.   It can be very painful to be rejected, disrespected or to be reminded of your own inadequacies or unworthiness.  

 

Anger is how a lot of people choose to deal with sadness because anger is a stimulant. It gives people instant (false) power. It makes people fear them and some people believe it gives them control and respect.

 

Imbalance & Mental Illness. Mental illness is when someone can’t control how they feel or behave because they are chemically unbalanced in their brain. Mental illness requires medication to level out hormones. People who are not well and in physical pain also have difficulty controlling anger.

 

Other Causes of Anger Include:

  • Stressful environment
  • Financial pressure and lack of money
  • Overloaded
  • Lack of sleep
  • Drugs and alcohol
  • Poor diet and lack of exercise

Anger does, however, give you a release of emotions.

 

What Happens When Anger Is Released:

  • You’ll have an outburst of uncontrolled anger
  • you will feel the adrenalin
  • you’ll feel the power
  • then you’ll experience the cost response
  • you’ll feel guilty and feel bad about yourself (because deep down you know you shouldn’t treat people like that)
  • Then you’ll have to suck up, apologise or get angry at the person for not forgiving you easily or get angry at yourself and the whole cycle starts again.

 

So, therefore, the cycle starts building all over again as the sadness then triggers off the anger.  To stop this pattern, you need to be aware of your feelings as they emerge and then you need to ask yourself “what am I feeling underneath the anger, what’s this really about for me?” I’m talking about the Root Cause that triggers off Anger. What is your root cause?

 

The Triggers of Anger

 

Anger takes shape in many forms, it varies in intensity and can happen with or without aggression. You can explode or you can implode. One of the determining factors in the level of anger that can be aroused is determined by what trigger’s the anger for you.

 

What is a trigger? A trigger is the first thing that causes you to respond with anger. Triggers differ for everyone, something that may trigger me will not necessarily trigger you or someone else.

 

Identifying some of your triggers is a good way to start preventing unnecessary episodes of anger.  It can help you to understand more about yourself and your reactions. It will help you to work out if your reaction to each trigger is:

  • Was it appropriate
  • Was it useful
  • Were you being solution focused
  • Were you thoughtful and respectful to others
  • What could give you  a better outcome

 

There are so many things that could trigger the root cause of your anger including:

  • Learned behaviour from a parent, from a friend, a cousin
  • Maybe something happened in your past that you didn’t know how to deal with and it’s playing over in your unconscious mind and stirring you up
  • It could be tone of voice or the way someone looked at you
  • Something someone said about you
  • A particular situation

 

The list of possible triggers could be exhaustive.

 

Anger Triggers Can Include:

  • Situations
  • Relationships
  • Illness
  • Environment
  • Expectations both yours and someone else
  • Financial position or pressures
  • Family
  • Child Hood
  • Past Experiences
  • People
  • Attitudes
  • Tone of voice
  • Jealousy
  • Betrayal
  • Lazy people
  • Memories
  • Overload
  • Responsibilities
  • Overwhelm
  • Authority figures
  • Embarrassment
  • Criticism

 

When you identify your triggers you need to stay aware of them so you can slow down your responses and express your anger in a controlled way. If you don’t express your anger in a calm and controlled manner you will experience the cost response of your anger.

 

What is Anger Costing You?

 

The way you experience and express Anger is something that can change – easily when you’re ready to change. Anger is something that will not ever be cured completely and let’s face it, we’re all human and anger is a human emotion. Sometimes things piss us off, however, it isn’t the emotion or the state that is the real issue.  It’s how we deal with it that causes us a problem which is the Cost Response. What is your anger costing you?

 

Cost response is the effect of your anger on other people. It’s how people react to your anger.

 

For example, a little boy is playing with his mother in the kitchen and they are baking cookies together. The mother lets her son mix the bowl with the wooden spoon and the little boy accidentally drops the bowl on the floor. The mother gets angry and yells at her son.

 

When she actually looks at her son just after the outburst of her anger and sees the expression on his face, she sees the effect her anger has had on him. His lips quivering,  fear in his eyes, tears rolling down his cheek, quiet whimpering and he sobs with sadness – that is the cost response. It cost her son’s fear and tears to be so angry.

 

Think about when you’ve been angry and the cost response you have received from your partner, your family, work colleagues. Can you identify when you have witnessed someone else’s experience to your anger? How does it make you feel? Is this a true representation of who you are or what you are trying to receive? Cost response is one of the biggest catalysts for changing anger.

 

Anger is something that needs to be managed so that in any event when anger arises it can be dealt with in a more appropriate way so the cost response is a good one.

 

For example in the same scenario, the little boy drops the bowl, the mother may feel peeved off inside however, she thinks of the cost response that she could inflict on her son, she measures up the pro’s and con’s before any outburst’s of anger.

 

Rather than yelling and scaring the child, she reassures the boy everything is fine, no-one got hurt, let’s clean it all up together and uses it an opportunity to do something else together that’s positive.

 

The result of the cost response of these new actions increases her sons self-esteem, reassures him that although there was an accident it will all be ok and he is still loved. Another benefit is that she can use this situation to teach him problem-solving skills so in the future if this was to happen between himself and his own child, he could deal with it calmly too.

 

That means history didn’t repeat itself in a negative way because she made a massive shift in controlling her anger appropriately and saves the next generation from learning negative behaviour.

 

You need to let your reaction be more important than the trigger of anger. You have 100% control of your reactions. If that’s the case, then why don’t people change how they do anger?

 

The Secondary Gain of Holding Onto Anger

 

The reason people don’t want to get rid of their anger is because of Secondary Gain. Secondary Gain is when the benefit of the problem is greater than the pain of having the problem.

 

I have had people come to counselling swearing black and blue that they are ready to get rid of their anger. They swear they don’t like treating people this way, they hate the feeling of it after they’ve exploded and they simply want to change, but in fact, they really don’t want to change.

 

The reason they don’t want to change is because of the benefits they get from having their anger. Think about it. Anger gives them power. Why would someone want to give up their power? Why would someone want to be calm and amicable in a situation when they can react with an almighty roar, be feared, control others and basically get what they want? Generally, they don’t want to give it up.

 

What is your Secondary Gain for your anger?  What positive consequences do you get from your anger?  If you’re like most people you will say, “I don’t get anything good from my anger”. But, you do get something good from it otherwise, you simply wouldn’t do it. First, you need to know what your Secondary Gain is so you can be honest with yourself.

 

You need to replace the secondary gain – and find a way to get it in a way that is more appropriate. Can you really replace your secondary gain? Sure you can, absolutely, if the person is genuinely interested in changing. You need to consider what has value to you in your life.

 

What is morally important to you, so you can focus on something outside of yourself and your own feelings.

 

Your Personal Values In Life

 

Values are what we are willing to spend our money, time and energy into achieving. Values are the things we strive for because of the meaning they have. Our values are influenced by our family upbringing, our community, religion, the law and our own sense of right and wrong.

 

Everyone has different values for different reasons. Values help motivate people “towards” or “away from” good and evil, right and wrong.

 

For example, A person may have no issue with having an affair when they’re married. They feel sex doesn’t equal love and even though they had an affair – they still love their spouse. So, therefore, they don’t feel there was a problem. Their values on marriage and love allow them to have an affair and be ok with it (not sure about their partner!)  

 

Whereas, another person may have felt tempted to have an affair but their values on marriage is “when you’re married, you only have one partner.” Their values stop them from having an affair.

 

The reasons these two examples have different beliefs and values on the same subject results from these people’s family background, cultural or religious beliefs, community and society, how they are brought up, their family traditions and their nature and nurture experience.

 

In regards to anger, for example, if a person feels anger because someone didn’t do as they asked, they may release a tirade of verbal abuse and feel very justified in doing so because their values and beliefs are “you have to stand up for yourself”.  They choose to be aggressive rather than assertive.

 

Whereas another person having gone through exactly the same experience would calmly explain what they needed and how they needed it, until the person in question gained some understanding. This person is aiming for a win/win scenario. The difference is aggression went against their values.

 

Values are the things that matter to us the most at an unconscious level. They motivate us towards or away from certain things and people. No one can make you change your values. Values keep you true to yourself.

 

Your Beliefs & Decisions That Influence Anger

 

Your beliefs are convictions or acceptances that certain things are real or true in your own model of the world. Your beliefs are the things you believe in. Beliefs are not facts. Although we often mistake beliefs for facts.   We have beliefs about other people, about ourselves, our relationships and about our expectations.

 

We have beliefs about what’s possible and about what isn’t possible. Your beliefs can act as permission as well as blockages to what you can do in life. If your beliefs don’t bring good results then you have the power to change them. Your beliefs determine your behaviour and ultimately your outcomes.

 

Beliefs come from many sources including your upbringing, modelling influential people and past life experiences you’ve had. You build beliefs by generalising from your experience of the world and other people. The expectations of the influential people in your life and in your childhood instil beliefs at either the conscious level or unconscious level. High expectations build competence and low expectations instil incompetence.

 

Positive beliefs are permissions that turn on your capabilities. Your beliefs create your results. What sort of results are you achieving in your life? If you’re not getting what you want in life it’s going to cause you some level of frustration if not anger. You need to consider if the beliefs you have are empowering you to move forward or if your beliefs are limiting you.

 

If your beliefs are limiting you will be saying things that are negative. Limiting beliefs start of with “I can’t”. These beliefs describe your capabilities for today, tomorrow and your future. They will prevent you from living your true potential and will keep you playing small.

 

How It All Fits Together

 

How the pieces comes together for angerYour internal representations are made up of your values, beliefs and attitudes. It determines your emotional state, how you feel about a certain person or even. It’s the internal meaning you attach to people, situations and things.

 

Your internal representation is like a mini recording of how you perceive an event or person. It doesn’t mean it is right or wrong because in our own “model” of the world we are all 100% right. That doesn’t mean we are 100% right in someone else’s “model” of the world.

 

You can’t change the events that happen in your life, however, you can change the way you feel about the event. You can change what you learned from the event so that in the future you can deal with the same type of situation in a more productive way.

 

When an event happens in your life you will process it internally with your filters that will exaggerate, distort or delete pieces of information. You will attach feelings, negative self-talk and limiting beliefs that will become your result.

 

For example, something happens between you and someone else in your family. This event now is processing in your mind with your internal filtering system, feelings are attaching to it such as anger, and self-talk is being attached to it, “I will never to talk to that person again”, then the outcome would be exactly that – you would never talk to that person again. Let’s say that “person” was a member of your family.

 

Think about the ripple effect of cutting people out of your life: 

 

• It would make family gatherings incomplete because not all members would attend
• Others would feel the turmoil of choosing sides or avoiding both parties
• The biggest effect, however, would be on yourself. It would cost you the most in the end.
• The emotion of anger would cost you your health and your peace of mind.
• What would happen if the person you were angry at worked with you?
• How would it affect your job?= or the company?
• How does it affect your personal life?

 

It takes a lot of energy to keep up the feeling of anger and being able to hold onto it. In order to keep the anger going, you would have to revisit the event that caused it in the first place.

 

Each time you re-visit a memory it changes. Depending on which internal filtering system you use at the time, you will with delete it, distort it or generalise it however the memory will never be the same and will come further away from the truth of the actual event.

 

When you’re trying to process a negative and emotional event it’s logical you will turn to someone you trust and talk to them about it and maybe ask for their perspective or advice. You need to be careful that the person you turn to can be neutral and objective.

 

Who Brings Out The Anger In You?

 

Sometimes, people bring out the best you. It’s a good decision to hang out with people you want to be like so that you can model them, learn to be like them. Someone may have come along in your life at the right time and taught you something either consciously or unconsciously that’s made you think differently or behave differently.

 

Maybe they have inspired you to be more than what you thought you could be or to think outside of your own reality. These are people you want to be around the most.

 

These people bring out your best. You will feel happy, content, excited, motivated, inspired, supported, accepted, valued and confident when you are with these people. These feelings inspire your action and behaviours so there is no doubt you are a lot more fun to be around when you are with these people or have spent time with these people.

 

On the other hand, there are people who can bring out the worst in you. When you’re with them, you may say or do things that typically you wouldn’t do if they weren’t in your presence. You may find it easy to succumb to the ways or the mindsets of these self-destructive people.

 

These people are negative, nasty, critical and always looking to bring someone else down. These are not people you want to talk to about your problems. They have the ability to fuel your fire and turn a small event into a big event.

 

When you are with these people you will feel negative, bitchy, like a victim, bitter, resentful, jealous, frustrated and these are the feelings you will have permeating in your mind and your body. These are the feeling that will inspire your actions and results in life.

 

It’s similar to peer pressure, which you may have already experienced in your life. Peer pressure is basically the same experience at any age. You feel pressured to do something because someone else is doing it. You will either give in and make a friend or join the group or you will stand up for yourself and face the fear of rejection.

 

It will depend on whether your  need to fit in and belong is greater than the pain of doing whatever it is that’s expected of you, even if it is against your values and beliefs. Your need or want to be accepted can easily prompt you into being something or someone other than what you naturally are. This creates feelings of confusion and self-doubt and sometimes regret.

 

Spend Time With People Who:

  • inspire you
  • make you feel good about yourself
  • make you want more out of life
  • are supportive
  • are caring towards your wants and needs
  • accept you for who you are

 

These people are your support people. Remember your feelings trigger your thoughts and combined they trigger your state of mind.  What state of mind will give you the best life possible?

 

Your State of Mind

 

Do you know that we go through our daily life in altered states of awareness and it can change at any given moment? States are the most immediate part of our experience. They vary in intensity, length and familiarity. The calmer the state, the easier it is to think rationally. The more violent or intense the state, the more your thinking is disrupted and the most emotional energy you’ll end up creating.

 

A “state” is a mindset. You can choose your state on purpose, instead of waiting for something or someone has triggered you to go into a certain state. Anger is not the only state and it’s not the only feeling we have.

 

We just go about our days in altered states of awareness and our states continually change because states are temporary. They start, they rise, they peak and then they finish. States don’t last so even if you are striving for a happy state, it won’t last.

 

That’s why you need to make sure your life is filled with great people and you’re actively seeking out the things that give you enjoyment and satisfaction. Keep your state of mind positive.

 

Most of us strive to be happy, excited, motivate or inspired which is great, although these states won’t last continually. How long a state will last is different for everyone. Just like when someone is angry, it starts, rises, peaks and then comes down. This is the big problem for a person who struggles with managing their anger.

 

Are You On The Receiving End Of Anger?

 

They have “come down” from anger and assessed the cost response and emotional or perhaps even physical damage that’s been done they either feel guilty, sad or it fuels their anger again so they can escape the other emotions. It can cycle all over again.

 

If they do feel guilt or sadness then usually the person will try and make up for their outburst. Although the intention of that behaviour is mostly for their own reassurance so they feel accepted again. This is where conditioning comes into play.

 

As the Receiver of anger, you can only be treated the way you let someone treat you. If you accept certain treatment from people then you are teaching them that it is ok to treat you in that way and if it isn’t ok then it is up to you to be responsible for yourself, demand respect or reassess the relationship/friendship, career or whatever the case maybe.

 

If you’re they person experiencing someone else’s anger and that’s why your reading this book, it means you are ready for change. You are ready to be treated differently the issue is that you don’t have the anger problem so reading this book is not going to change your partner or family member or boss.

 

Is it time for you to step up and make some changes too?

 

• What are your boundaries?

• What is this costing you emotionally, physically and mentally?

• Do you deserve to be treated this way or better?

 

Most people are ready to make a change when they have hit rock bottom. I suggest that you don’t wait til then. You already know when something isn’t good for you, maybe it’s a feeling that you have, thoughts, beliefs or you see examples of what you really want in life.

 

Sometimes you need to know that people who have anger need some help dealing with it and that doesn’t mean you are equipped with the skills to be the teacher. You may think “they are just misunderstood, they are just passionate, they’ve had a hard life they just need a bit of love” the answer to all of those is yes – sure but you need those things too. Are you getting it?

 

People are ready to change when it is good for them, when what they are doing is no longer serving their purpose – if everyone accepts their behaviour then when will they ever believe it is time to change and treat people differently?

 

Are you part of the problem or part of the solution?

 

Is Stress An Excuse For Anger?

 

We live in a very hectic and busy world. There are many people who suffer from “Role Overload”. Once upon time life may have seemed very simple. The man would work and provide for the family and the woman would stay home, look after the children and maintain the family home.

 

With all the demands of the media and trying to keep up with the financial commitments of the family more women are working to help provide for their family. This can cause a lot of stress on the family as everyone falls into role overload and role reversals.

 

The boundaries of each role interrelate and everyone is chipping in to help run the household. This can work great or not. The point is when everyone is taking on too much the tension rises and it flows through the family, increasing sensitivity and stress levels. When does anyone get a chance to kick back, relax, unwind and recharge?

 

Generally, what happens is people try and unwind at different times which can then drive other people in the house crazy and they feel they are doing all the work. It is really important to take the time to just rest and relax. It recharges the mind and the body.

 

Anger Management Treatment

 

There are many ways to treat anger. If you’re the kind of person who over analyses things in their head and over thinks things to death then I would suggest Clinical Hypnotherapy. Clinical Hypnotherapy will analyse what is going on in your unconscious mind and will help you make changes to how you react to situations.

 

The changes are also known as re-programming. Re-programming your mind will give you automatic changes that result in reacting differently  to situations in a more appropriate way.  The best part about it is you don’t have to remember to act differently it happens for you because you learned it unconsciously.

 

Your unconscious mind is where all the automatic learning occurs. Just like when you were learning your times tables in maths all those years ago or when you learnt how to drive a car and now you can do both of those automatically. All the lessons and steps you learnt are stored in your unconscious mind for you to draw on when you need the information.

 

Hypnosis for anger managementHypnotherapy is relaxing, it’s easy and it feels good. The changes are long lasting and will help you learn a lot about yourself and why you do what you but most importantly, how you can do it differently.

 

Hypnotherapy is a tool and you can learn simple techniques you can do yourself through self-hypnosis to help you. Self-hypnosis is great however I would suggest you see a hypnotherapist first to get some experience with hypnosis so when you are doing it for yourself you know what you are working towards.

 

NLP is something often used with hypnotherapy and together with Clinical Hypnotherapy, it is the ultimate in all self-help and therapies available. I can say this from experience because I am a certified Trainer in Hypnotherapy and in NLP.

 

I have reached the highest level of training in these areas because they are the best tools to create change. These tools are widely known for the quickest result in a change in emotions and behaviour for people struggling with issues for long periods of time.

 

Generally, within 3 – 4 sessions – everything can change. I mean everything, anger, depression, fear, guilt, some addictions, traumas, getting past a relationship breakup. I have helped people stop drinking alcohol in less than 3 minutes.

 

I’ve helped people let go of their feelings for their partner they’ve been in a relationship with for years, in less than 7 minutes. I’m not bragging – the result is something they achieved – not me. I hope to demonstrate how easy it is to change things we feel are unchangeable.

 

CBT is the process of debating irrational beliefs. I don’t like it. This style of therapy can keep you in therapy for years. Psychologists love it, it’s their main tool so no offence to them. I personally see CBT as outdated and a long, drawn out process to help someone create change in their life.

 

Counselling can help you to talk about your anger, the effect it has created for you and the cost it has resulted in. If your anger is current then counselling can help you. Counselling is good if you don’t generally talk about your problems with people.

 

Talking can help you find solutions and its’ good to talk to someone who is bound to privacy and confidentiality! And also, someone who is unbiased and will tell you how it is and teach you tools to help you make changes.

 

Massages are great to help you let go of tension in your body. Tension held in your body creates disease and illness so you don’t want to store your emotions and bottle them up. You will feel relaxed de-stressed and it’s something you should do often to help you body cope with the daily stresses of life.

 

Reiki is another tool which is thought to be too spiritual to some people. It’s an energy based healing and it can help you release old emotions stored in your body. It’s another way to help you feel relaxed and you will feel like a weight has been shifted.

 

Aromatherapy can help you with so many different things. Essential oils have healing benefits and have been used for years to aid in medical issues and personal issues. Essential oils can help you calm down your mind, sleep better, aids digestive issues, creates a calming and relaxing environment and the list goes on.

 

Medication can help you with your emotions, there is no doubt about that. It depends on the person if they want to take tablets or they want to learn how to deal with life situations better. Some illnesses require medication and that’s fine. You need to do what you need to do to help yourself. Medication is a personal preference so it’s between you and your doctor and no one else when it comes to medication.

 

Got Any Questions About Anger Management?

 

I hope you have found this interesting and you’ve been able to take away some insights into the causes of anger and how it applies to you. If you have any questions or would like to know the best anger management treatment you can book an appointment here:

 

book an appointment for anger management

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