8 Behaviours That Ultimately Kill The Love In Relationships

 couple arguing in relationship

 

Which Behaviours Are Ruining Your Relationship?

 

When you’re in a relationship it’s really important to put the effort in to keep the love alive. People can become really comfortable in a relationship and start treating their partner as a sibling. This is when they say or do whatever they feel like at the time, without any regard for their partner’s feelings. These behaviours can ultimately kill the love in your relationship.

 

You don’t want to get too comfortable with your partner to the point where you’re hurting them time and time again and making their life miserable. The truth is some people believe that relationships are only good in the first few years and after that they become boring or stale.

 

The relationship doesn’t have the ability to change on its own. It’s only what 2 people are bringing together that will determine the success, love, communication and fun in a relationship. People change – not relationships.

 

Let’s take a look at how people’s behaviours change and what they’re doing that can really kill the love in a relationship.

 

1.  Letting Yourself Go

 

If you’ve let yourself go during your relationship by eating too much junk food, putting on weight, letting your hygiene go, drinking too much alcohol and not taking care of yourself, in general, it’s a much bigger problem than just how you look. When you let yourself, go it means you’ve become lazy and stopped putting the effort in for yourself.

 

When you meet your partner the first thing you notice is how they look. You need to be attracted to them physically before you’re interested in getting to know them better. It’s not all about looks and yes, some people are good friends before they are attracted to someone but the same statement is still true – you need to be attracted to your partner.

 

If you’ve put on too much weight and stopped looking after yourself it will affect your self-esteem and confidence. Taking care of yourself, your nutrition, exercise and grooming, are things only you can do for yourself. It’s not fair to you or your relationship to take the easy way out thinking you don’t need to try because you’ve already got a partner.

 

2.  Whining and Complaining

 

Are you constantly whining and finding new things to complain about? It’s not much fun listening to someone nag all the time. If you’re nagging your partner they will end up shutting off when you talk and not listening to what you have to say. Whining and complaining brings people down and it’s not much fun to be around someone who finds drama in everything.

 

3.  Having a Negative Outlook on Life

 

Is the glass half full, half empty or should you just throw a slice of lemon in it and add some tequila? Now it’s a party! If you are the bearer of doom and gloom and can find the negative in anything, people are going to start avoiding you because it makes them feel drained.

 

When someone is negative, you need more energy to keep yourself feeling positive and to fight off falling into the trap of believing in the negative comments. Again, it’s not fun to be around someone who is negative. They can kill the joy in any situation.

 

4.  Forgetting Important Dates

 

There are certain dates that are important to your partner and for your relationship. Dates like your first kiss, the date you got engaged, your wedding date, birthdays or Valentines Day all count for important dates. If you scoot past these dates without acknowledging them or celebrating it can be harmful to a relationship.

 

People like to celebrate milestones and if you miss them it can make your partner feel unloved and not very special. This is not what you want your partner to feel. Dates have sentimental meaning and if you don’t acknowledge them it can seem as if you don’t care.

 

5.  It’s All About You

 

When you focus on your goals, your hobbies or interests it means you can easily become self-absorbed. You get used to thinking about yourself to the determinant of your relationship. If you’re always thinking about yourself, your partner is going to feel neglected and most likely resentful. If you’re being the center of attention it can be exhausting and your partner can lose respect for you.

 

When it’s all about you, it means you’re only half listening to your partner because you believe that whatever they have to say isn’t interesting unless it’s about you. You don’t feel the need to apologize for anything because you never do anything wrong. You believe that you are way more important than everyone else and most other people are boring compared to you.

 

6.  You Can’t Control Your Anger

 

Anger is a human emotion that everyone experiences from time to time. There are 3 ways you can deal with your anger. You can be passive-aggressive by giving the silent treatment when you’re angry, you can be assertive and stand up for what you believe in while respecting your partner or you can be aggressive and lose your shit at any place at any time. If you can’t control your anger it can cause embarrassment and humiliation.

 

Your partner will feel like their dealing with a child having a tantrum. Sarcasm is another form of anger and it’s hurt and personal. It brings out a side of you that’s very unattractive. When your anger is out of control you can become abusive and maybe you don’t notice how loud and intimidating you can be. You may think you’re teaching your partner a lesson but in the end, you will be the one who will learn the lesson of how to treat people and what people will put up with.

 

7.  You’re Too Critical

 

If you’re hypercritical it means that your partner can never do anything right. You might rant and rave that if you want anything done properly you need to do it yourself. Being critical makes you sound like an arse. If your standards are too high chances are that not even you can reach them.

 

If you make your partner try to hard they will end up giving up believing there is no point. They will feel like a failure and as if they are not good enough. You think you’re better than everyone else, which means you find it hard to see the good in anyone or anything. You may even be competitive to the point where it puts people off being around you or sharing anything about themselves.

 

8.  You Use Sex As Punishment and Reward

 

Using intimacy as a weaponPeople tend to be controlling in certain areas of a relationship. Some people use sex as a punishment and reward tool to condition their partner on what they want them to do in their relationship.

 

If you’re using sex and affection in this way it means if your partner’s doing something you like, you’ll have sex with them or be affectionate. If they’re not doing exactly what you want, then you’ll hold off affection and sex so they understand they have done the wrong thing. Most of the time this tool goes unsaid and isn’t acknowledged, it’s just implied.

 

Using sex to reward good behaviors and withholding to punish bad behaviors puts you in control but not forever. If sex and affection are your partners highest need and you withdraw intentionally with the purpose of punishing them they will either please themselves or turn to someone else at some point because you cannot turn off a human need. Sex is a basic human need and, therefore, will end up being met somehow. Using sex in this way is cruel and unfair.

 

Everyone can improve themselves and their behaviours. If you want to have an awesome relationship you need to make sure you’re treating your partner with kindness and respect at all times. You want to do everything you can to make your partner feel loved and special. You want them to believe they are secure and you are there for them.

 

Give them your best, so you can create a life that’s exciting, fun and full of love and affection. It’s really up to you to decide on your behaviour and how you want your relationship to be. Don’t make it a life sentence of unhappiness when you have the power to make it amazing.  

 

If you identify with any of the 8 behaviours above and need some help with your relationship, you can make an appointment online and we can get your relationship back on track.

 

 

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Mirella DeBoni

Relationship Counselling Specialist, Clinical Hypnotherapist, #1 International Best Selling Author

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